The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

Worst to Best Levels – Wario Land II, Part 7

15. Go to the Cellar!! Story 2: Avoid the rocks!

The central mechanic o’ falling rocks o’ randomly varying sizes — small rocks, which can be grabbed & thrown, & large boulders that make Wario flat — is unique & clever. Unfortunately, going to the other extreme o’ this game’s most common problem to the greatest extent in this game, this level relies almost entirely on this gimmick thruout the whole level, with the only exceptions being a room with basic enemies & a basic room where you break blocks as fat Wario.

While I’m thankful that there are only 2 places where you’d want to be flat Wario, both just for coins, that leaves catching small rocks & dodging large boulders, usually just so you can throw the small rocks @ throw blocks in the way o’ coins, to hold up this whole level. A bit o’ variety would’ve gone a long way. They do add minor complications like needing to jump o’er gaps while dodging boulders & specially bats who not only risk grabbing you & making you drop the rock you’re holding, but can also make you drop your rock if you jump into it to try avoid being grabbed.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

Posted in Video Games, Worst to Best Levels

Worst to Best Levels – Wario Land II, Part 6

21. One Noisy Morning Story 2: Turn off the giant faucet!

The better “flooded castle” level, replacing the sluggish swimming round bubbles & Drills with mo’ exciting platforming challenges o’er rapids that threaten to push you back whence you came, including 1 place with furniture that keeps spawning from broken-open holes, only to break ’pon hitting the wall @ the end, where you have to time a jump on it so you can be standing on ground to enter the treasure door — since e’eryone knows it’s scientifically impossible to go thru doorways while in the air.

This level’s ending is also similar but better than its sequel, replacing hitting some random block with shutting off the faucet causing this flooding in the 1st place by elbowing its spigot 3 times, with the extra visual touch o’ having the amount o’ water coming out decrease a bit with each hit.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

Posted in Video Games, Worst to Best Levels

Worst to Best Levels – Wario Land II, Part 5

27. Maze Woods Story 2: Defeat the giant spear man

Riding the moving turtles, introduced in this level, is refreshingly rare in this game, being used only twice mo’; & tho it is an autoscroll mechanic, a’least this level was laid out in a way that minimizes standing around doing nothing. Nor is it used too much or too li’l, hitting that sweet spot o’ 2 iterations, the 1st a simple tutorial where you just need to jump up a few short platforms & dodge slow-moving Pirate Gooms & a 2nd with mo’ complex layouts where you have to quickly plow thru cracked blocks & dodge much mo’ dangerous fire foxes.

Howe’er, while I get how cool it is to have to time entering a door while on the turtle, it’s lame that you have to redo the 1st half o’ the 1st turtle section when you do so, as leaving the door dunks you right into the currents that push you back to the start, especially since all that door holds is a bunch o’ coins and is the same general o’erused puzzle o’ jumping on an enemy while holding an enemy so you can jump off that enemy while on the 2nd storey to reach the 3rd storey — which is especially uninteresting, since it comes so soon after a very similar puzzle room but with 1 Pirate Goom replaced by a stove. They could’ve avoided this by having a tiny turtle section o’ currentless water where the only need for the turtle is to enter the door, allowing you to just swim onward after leaving.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

Posted in Video Games, Worst to Best Levels

heatstroke karaoke I ( when the aliens approach )

when the aliens approach
it won’t be no joke
they won’t be riding coach
they’ll be taking our broach
when the aliens approach
when the martians come
it won’t be fun
they’ll be taking our rum
they can’t be beaten by guns
when the martians come
when the saturnites arrive
we’ll all cry
humanity was so blind
we’ll finally be charged for our intergalactic crimes
when the saturnites arrive
when the martians come
when the aliens approach
o
Posted in ¿What the Fuck Is this Shit?, Poetry