“I’m Sorry.”

See, e’en George Washington says I should kill myself.

Aún temo permitirlos saber a otros que uso una lápiz de PaperMate^®.

I’m e’en ‘fraid to let people know I use a PaperMate^® pencil.

That’s why I shattered every mirror.

I truly hope

you’ll give my scraps o’ trash a warm home.

Baby-doll, nothing makes me swoon-a

like a cat that smells like tuna.

Ugh.

But not so much that red vein in your eye.

Please ne’er show me that ‘gain, kitty.

Yes, the leaf’s still in my tea;

it can swim where it damn-well-please.

Every happy memory from the past

is just ‘nother reason to be sad

—objective, scientific proof that happiness is a 0-sum game.

Gotta scrub the grub stains on the tub;

‘cause e’en bathrooms need a li’l love.

The only way to win

is through scratches on a cat’s chin.