The Mezunian

Die Positivität ist das Opium des Volkes, aber der Spott ist das Opium der Verrückten

OK, You’ve Got Me

2015 April 10

OK, you’ve got me:

You’ve figured out my devious plot,

you clever bastards, you.

That’s right,

I admit it:

my antisocial ways

were nothing but a plot

to bring you all to your ankles.

I’ve been fooling you fuckers this whole time.

You must admit,

’twas an impressive trick;

how long it all went on,

like Andy Kaufman.

I had everything to gain, too.

Just look at me--

Pope on the hill with his arms spread,

feeling the breeze,

hoarding so much o’ the breeze from you all.

ha ha ha ha ha!

I bet you had so many better uses for that air I sucked,

but, nope!

To late to get ’em back, Tim!

But I knew you’d catch me in the act soon.

The rat’s always snatched by the clever cats.

& you were all such clever cats...

But that’s OK.

I’m perfectly prepared to accept my punishment.

I deserve it.

So, what are you waiting for?

You’ve already carefully collaborated all o’ the evidence you need.

So bulk up,

be honest with yourself for once,

& once & for all, do the necessary deed gainst me.

Posted in Crazy, Poetry

TUS EMOCIONES TE HACEN UN MONSTRUO

2015 March 23

Fui un mal chico que volví a hacer un mala cosa:

comí la galleta antes de que terminar el almuerzo.

Siempre termino el almuerzo antes de comer galletas;

esta vez no lo hice.

Siempre terminaba el almuerzo antes de comer galletas,

y echaba a ponerme harto de hacerlo;

me parecían que las galletas tuvieran mejor sabor antes,

¿O tal vez tenga la comida?

Pero aún,

delinquí este crimen criminal

y es tiempo que yo beba la pocción.

Espero...

I was a bad boy doing a bad thing ‘gain:

I ate the cookie ‘fore finishing my lunch.

I always finish my meals before cookies;

this time I didn’t.

I always finished my meals before cookies,

& I started to get sick o’ it;

thought the cookies might taste better beforefoot--

or maybe the meal?

But still,

I committed this criminal crime

& it’s time I drank my potion.

I’m waiting...

Posted in Crazy, Española, Poetry

Doors

2015 March 18

I pound & pound on your door;

but you won’t let me in.

No, not you.

Too clever for this cat.

Actually, I haven’t been pounding @ all.

That’s all the fevers in my imagination.

I’ve only been glancing sideways @ it--

So stealthily, you’ll never find out.

Now, you’re probably wondering

why I don’t just open the door.

But there are far too many doors from which to choose.

I still haven’t made my choice.

Why are you so impatient?

But there is no “you,” is there?

There never was.

I tried to find a “you” somewhere in there--

a hat, a color, an icon--

all just straw.

So many hands offering so many drinks;

why, I’ll never find in which you’ve hid the poison, you finks.

I think, “Would this be easier if I thought less or mo’?”

But I don’t have much mo’ time to think

‘Fore the close o’ every door.

Posted in Crazy, Poetry

Mr. America’s Delightful Stew

2014 November 27
Tricky, tricky, Mr. America:
I've 'scaped your traps so far;
but 1 day you'll get me.

I show no fear,
I feign ignorance;
but I know what you're boiling up...
Tricky li'l devil, you...

I know what you're planning:
you won't just smash me with your invisible palm;
you'll do it nice & slow...
Nice & slow...
Like a fine stew.
Delicious.

Can you taste the spiciness o' my blood,
the tanginess o' my gizzards?
No...
No, you wouldn't, would you...
You wouldn't taste nothing at all,
wouldn't even notice my stew 'pon your plate.
That's the trouble with you:
you're always so busy;
You never have time to enjoy the screams o' your prey.
Now, what kind o' life is that?
Get out mo', Mr. America;
breathe some fresh air.
I like to do that oft,
when it won't get me in trouble.
There are lots o' things that will get me in trouble.
Since you're so free,
you never tell me what they are.
So I have to guess.
Sometimes I guess wrong.
But that's OK.
I like the mental stimulation.

But you, Mr. America:
you're 'bove getting in trouble.
So, why aren't you happier?

I know you won't read this.
So many wives & not 'nough time to listen to them.
'Sides, you wouldn't like what they have to say.
That's OK.
I'd like to say that you'll regret me when I'm gone;
but that would not be perfectly accurate.
So, please, don't finish that stew I made for you if you don't want it.
I did a bad job, anyway.
I'm always doing a bad job.
I even tried ripping a few pieces o' my flesh
& adding them as you like.
But I guess it wasn't...
No.
No, there's no use in laboring the issue.
Just shove it to the side.
Someone will pick it up eventually.
& if not, the flies will surely enjoy it.
Posted in Crazy, Poetry

I Deserved It

2014 November 5
I have no one to blame but myself:
Didn't take proper care o' my teeth.
	& now they've all 
		fallen out.
Can't waste the dentist's precious time
	placing them back in.
No, I must have my just desserts.
My taste buds crave them.

But thanks to me,
	now I can't eat;
		& when I can't eat,
			I get hungry.

But you don't see complaints from me;
I took my tasty medicine, yes sire!
I can take the dose.
	I must take the dose.
		If I can't take the dose,
			I must be beat.

I can't take the dose.

What am I to do?
My stomach, it scratches for sustenance...
	& all I taste is gum blood.

Gum blood doesn't taste too tangy.

I break out into the street,
	Where I meet
		the man with the sweep.
I swallow myself whole.
	& he--
		the polite fellow--
			he sweeps 'way the debris.

I told you I'd take my medicine.
& I did.

'Cause I deserved it.
Posted in Crazy, Poetry

What I Think ‘Bout the World

2014 October 29

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Posted in Crazy, Poetry

$

2014 October 8

Ma, can I please borrow a $?
I swear I’ll pay it back ‘ventually.
…
Just 1 mo’ $;
I swear this’ll get me on my feet.
…
I know it’s been taking a while,
but if you give me just a few mo’ $s,
I swear I can pay you back with interest ‘ventually.

Boy, it’s time you learned how to cut your losses.

PLYK!

Posted in Crazy, Poetry

Laughing

2014 October 1

It’s better to die laughing.
That’s why I’m always laughing.

Heheheh.

Posted in Crazy, Poetry