It turns out The Mezunian isn’t the only long-venerable institution to put on a fresh blanket o’ paint: finally that genius CEO with her decoder rings took my advice & changed her obnoxious half-pun website name to a catchier, hippin’-&-hoppin’ slangtang boomerang that all you kids in the dishes be shootin’ out your grins, & which is closer to its true subject matter: prostitution. Also, it’s a syllable ’way from sounding like a socialist rag—that’s cool, too.
Despite this, most o’ their articles still have “CAREEREALISM” in the top bar, since changing that would actually take effort.
& now their website has double the 2.0 Blandness & double the membership scams. Or maybe they always had that, & I just forgot, since most o’ their content has always been buried under 2.0 Blandness. Glad to see that web “professionals” still can’t be arsed to organize their shit into anything halfway coherent.
But they still have their #’d list articles, talking ’bout the same 5 topics they’ve been talking ’bout for years; & they still have clownishly exaggerated photos, such as this article’s image o’ a reader’s reaction ’pon 1st reading this site, which has tragically been ruined by the artist’s nephew scribbling on it with their half-transparent white crayon ‘gain.
I checked out this article ’bout tips for “Shy Networkers”—a topic they’ve ne’er written ’bout before—with a picture o’ a derp-face wondering when he could finally finish this photo & play his video games, mom. Lemme guess: the tips are all, “Don’t be shy.” Believe it or not, that’s giving this writer too much credit: after blabbing on for paragraphs ’bout their own bullshit I don’t care ’bout, they give 1 tip that’s essentially, “Don’t be shy,” & 4 that have nothing to do with shyness. I could’ve just written the sentence, “Stop being a crybaby,” & it would’ve been a better article than all 800+ words. That’s ’bout 80 Bashō haiku I could be reading ’stead.
Also, if you guys truly expect me to believe your rebranding is mo’ professional, I expect you guys to have better standards in your advertisements:
’Less you believe those conspiracy theories ’bout the electoral college, I think it’s too late for photo shoot o’ inebriated Hairpiece holding his arm round the stomach o’ bland bad actor in the least believable way possible is going to hurt Hairpiece’s chances o’ election. Just look @ his face: “Euughhh… ¿Are we done yet? ¡I want my cookies!” Still, we have to give Hairpiece credit for being a good ’nough sport to do a reenactment o’ the times he actually groped someone, & didn’t awkwardly hold his arm near someone for long ’nough for someone to take a clear photo.
& as for “10 Tips for People Who Hate Networking,” I can write a better sentence than that whole article, too: “Suck it up.” You guys oughta save your money & just hire me; then you can spend mo’ time making your redundant post pictures not look like you’re trying to film a Disney preteen movie, with bland white heroin going, “BEEP BOOP. THIS IS HOW THE FLESH HUMANS DEPICT BOREDOM & A GENERAL LACK O’ FULFILLMENT, ¿IS THAT ACCURATE?” While 4 decapitated crotches stand round ’hind her. ¡What great framing!
Do you associate networking with shameless self-promotion and ‘more = more’?
I mo’ associated this website with the former, whereas I associated the latter mo’ with the “Reflexive Property of Mathematics.”
Man, fuck this inane tripe: I’m mo’ interested in the strange political ads they have:
We have the e’en less believable photo o’ Hilary & Bill Clinton actually romantic toward each other, Robobama’s face malfunctioning, & Hairpiece squeezing his face gainst some random woman—or, as the ad claims, “Our Country’s Most Powerful.” Nope: till I see that picture replaced by Hairpiece smooching some fat, pasty-faced businessman Marrymore-style, I’m calling “false advertisement.” This ain’t working for me, Work It, Daily.
But ’cause I’m so generous to do so much o’ your work for you1, I’ll let my amazing Photoshop GIMP skills amend this:
(Well, close ’nough, a’least. ¿Did Hairpiece get any support from anyone powerful? It seems e’en they all didn’t want to waste their money on his nonsense.)
Anyway, I’ll just leave you all with that lovely image in your head.
