Comprehensive Beginner Guide to Choosing a Web Host
O, fun. I can already guess what I’m going to get from this: those luscious affiliate links. Since every host review on the planet has affiliate links—e’en those that criticize corrupt web host reviews, ironically—I can only imagine that a website as corrupt as 1st Web Designer’s jumping into the money bag, too. Well, let’s dive in like Scrooge…
In fact, I’m just going to skim ’head, just to… Wait, ¿What?
Things You should NOT Consider when Choosing a Web Host
Phh, “Listen to 1st Web Designer,” ¿amirite?
No. That’s not a word. I’m sick o’ your linguistic blasphemy.
Read Reviews Online Using Google Search
¿Huh? Mmm… Well, on 1 hand, it’s a bit hypocritical, considering how many times I see 1st Web Designer litter my Google searches. But, it’s not bad advice.
Yes, all of those links are affiliates, wherein each sale pays a small fee to the recommending site. Drupal.org is just one example – all across the internet, hosting reviews are all about affiliate links. This is why certain firms score well in hosting reviews (owing to heavy affiliate commission), but fare badly in overall user service.
…
Huh. Well, I can only wait breathlessly for the ironic—
Yes, that’s right. While the allure of earning big bucks by getting others to click on links is tempting, we have ensured that this article is totally unbiased – this article does not contain affiliate links because we know and appreciate the importance of a proper web host.
…
(Scours page for hours. Can’t find any affiliate links.)
All right, 1st Web Designer: you’ve got me. After your vaguely corrupt recommendation for “CONVERTING” websites, wherein one just cobbles together whatever free shit one can find online when “making” sites for clients, rather than actually doing your job, you’re the only site that talks ’bout web host recommendations that doesn’t take affiliate links.
&, ¿what the fuck? I just noticed: this article not only talks ’bout what the title promises, it starts talking ’bout the topic immediately & doesn’t stray into irrelevant topics for mo’ than half o’ the article.
There’s only 1 explanation: 1st Web Designer made this article just to screw with me. They know I’m making fun o’ their articles & wrote a competent article just to make me look stupid. Get out o’ my monitor.
O well, I’m sure their advice is dumb, anyway.
Everyone knows what shared hosting is, VPS, and reseller hosting packages.
If this article weren’t given the same mysterious author o’ “Editorial Team” as all the other articles, I’d insist that this article must be written by somebody other than the person who thought Photoshop was a programming language. Nope. That’s some knowledge dissonance.
E’en mo’ hilarious, I looked up that link & found that it goes to a completely different page—1 with a title that actually indicates what they’re talking ’bout, & which is, in general, actually competent. Granted, its info is rather vague, & it still has dumb images, including some dumb meme pic; but compared to the original, this is like Sonichu to Gunnerkrigg Court. Way to ruin my fun.
On the other hand, a’least some o’ the info they gave was rather insightful: I had no idea till now that US Speaker o’ the House moonlighted as 1 o’ Marketslide’s (¡Wheeee!) founders. ¿Or is that Paul Xavier? Either that guy’s worried that he might hurt his company by being linked to whatever controversy might be involved in political issues or he just likes to consider himself to be a renegade angel. That’s OK, their company name can’t seem to make up its mind, either: while most o’ the site calls it “Marketslide,” (¡Wheeee!) the title bar @ the top says “Market Slide.”
Speaking o’ which, I can’t tell what they’re selling, since I’m only Level 2 in my Buzzwordese classes, I can only assume by their header @ the top that they sell gorgeous sunset mountains.
Just in case you don’t, simply do a Google search!
O, yeah, we were reviewing an article.
I do have to bicker ’bout this, though: in the time it took you to type that, you could’ve quickly found some links to Wikipedia & put them there. I find it hard to believe that someone could find this article, but not figure out how to search for something on Google, ’specially since Google is most likely how they found this article in the 1st place. (1st Web Designer certainly seems to be aiming its content toward SEO.)
(Yawn.) In general, this article has competent info: it talks ’bout the gotchas you need to watch out for, such as “unlimited” bandwidth & disk space; it talks ’bout the importance o’ what one plans to do with one’s website, such as how big it’ll be, & how that affects what choice is best; & talks ’bout CDNs.
Also, ¿what’s up with “v/s” used when talking ’bout bandwidth & disk space? ¿What was wrong with “vs.”? ¿What kind o’ weirdo just randomly spells words ’nother way & uses strange punctuation like that?
