makes me grease

up in the bucket I let spill trills ago.

I ran out o’ the greasy chemicals with which to fill this shit,

legit,

¿or is it just fabricated?

¡Say it!

¡It’s the law!

¡Say’s the law!

Money’s time,

& all time gets spent on ‘ventuallies.

¿What makes 1 ‘ventually better than the others?

¿What makes plum jellies ‘bove the worth o’ butter?

So many things to flow all around,

like bliss, & fat, & clams, & oven mits.

I’m an occult.

¿& what do you spend your ‘ventuallies on,

but tea & booze & coffee

or coffee & booze & tea

or booze & coffee & tea

or booze & tea & coffee

or tea & coffee & booze,

but ne’er tea & booze & coffee—

that’d be wacky.

…

It’s cold, though.

¿How’d you know there’s nothing new under the Afternoon Moon?

¿O, where did you get that from?

¿What friends have you made fool with?

Ah, I know where you read that…

So I try to stir harder

the lucky pot that holds every ingredient in the world,

to sift those that taste spiciest

& leave out those that are too ricy,

to do

Senior Estadounidense’s Delightful Stew.

¡What a funny-looking peasant!

I am a Socialist, Smurov.

(No, not the lowercase kind, ¡you filthy prole!)

const int NUM_O_LINES = 256;

for ( int i = 0; i < NUM_O_LINES; ++i )

{

std::cout << “There ain't no justice—(¡Justice!)” << std::endl;

}

& I’ve left ‘hind my keen Dr.

& my theory general

to be uselessly bombed in combat

to give into the philosophy o’ the sad-faced, shell-fleshed crabs,

o’ the caged rats—

«You’ve already played that DVD, Steve,

& it ne’er worked for all your 5 Zanzibari rupees.

Maybe the sauce would seep into every baggie

if you’d just leave.»

I’m an Anarchist, Smurnov.

const int NUM_O_LINES = 2560;

for ( int i = 0; i < NUM_O_LINES; ++i )

{

std::cout << “¡That's how greatful I am!” << std::endl;

}

I lived on my feet,

I sat on my feet,

I ate my chili without grated cheese,

but didn’t e’en sneak you a single speech bubble—

¡Too much trouble?

¿Too many double faces!

I lived on my face,

I sat on my face,

& didn’t e’en arrogantly show my gratefulness

when you praised my speedy Lorraine kitsch.

I’m a Nihilist, Smirnoff.

I was wrong,

& I was wrong since the beginning o’ the bong,

so said my mother in legend…

look closely @ the diagram to see the legend…

I’m a Magical Socialist, Blue Moon.

But we must return to the chemicals I want,

we must return to the bucket & not the box,

not the pot,

left ‘hind like a chalk outline’

left on the space-age street on which we all drive by,

where the strawberry pancakes are long gone

& left me without a throat to sing the rest o’ this song.

I’m a Post-Democratic-Republican-Liberal-Modernist-Progressive-Anarcho-Rasputinist-Socialian, Smurov

Go all the way

to KARAOKE NIGHT, ¿eh?

«(DUH, DUH, DUH)

You think you got us #’d…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

but we will strike like thunder…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

We’ll fucking strike like lightning…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

& be exactly as exciting…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

& now you say we’re grime…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

say we’re a coconut without a lime…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

Well, you need to realize…

(DUH, DUH, DUH)

that grease ne’er dies—

¡Fight!»

I’m a Schliferpus, Smurtov.

No, I’m solo fuckin wit yo, habanero.

Wario Land 4 is 1 o’ those games I’ll admit I love mo’ for its atmosphere than its gameplay, though its gameplay is certainly great—albeit, the game is rather short @ only 18 levels. It had a dark, urban strangeness that reminds me o’ a less heartfelt Earthbound. I think the fact that I 1st witnesses it @ round 4 AM influenced my association, for I don’t think any game captures that feeling I may have only made up myself o’ a groggy early waking in the late after-midnight¹.

In fact, I consider its soundtrack full o’ samples o’ strange voices shouting, “¡HURRY UP!” traffic noises, cat meows, & childish laughs to be more o’ a spiritual successor o’ Earthbound‘s than Mother 3′s, & to be probably the best o’ all the GBA soundtracks. Like Earthbound‘s music, these songs seem to be full o’ so many strange details that it’s impossible to keep track o’ them all, lending it a mysterious feel.

The map theme demonstrates this the most. It’s such a long & complicated song for a song that’ll only play ‘tween choosing levels. A mash o’ low grungy music & rather high-pitched spacey sounds, this song isn’t e’en consistent on whether it wants to have a catchy melody or being a jarring cacophony o’ strange noises that makes it e’en mo’ disjointed than consistent cacophony.

“Crescent Moon Village” I love for being the best representation o’ urban nights, mixing the high-pitched weal o’ nighttime wind with the heavy bass rock you’d faintly hear from a passing car.

“Toy Block Tower”: Much like Earthbound, Wario Land 4 balanced its soundtrack’s dark songs with very chipper songs, & this is the most chipper ‘mong Wario Land 4‘s, fitting the most chipper o’ levels. This level & its music are like walking out o’ the hushed night into a brightly-lit 24-hour store that ne’er seemed to tire.

“Hotel Horror” is a jazzy song on the surface; but like most WL4 songs, it has those strange sound effects that make it eerier—in this case, mainly the noises from what can only be described as a windy drum, starting as an elongated blow that sounds somewhat like an airplane passing by, & then becoming chopped up into mo’ forceful beats.

“Soft Shell” is soothing mall music that plays in soothing bonus areas. I change what I said ’bout “Toy Block Tower”: this is the brightly-lit 24-hour shop.

But we can’t talk ’bout Wario Land 4‘s soundtrack without mentioning the “sound test,” unlocked song-by-song by collecting CDs from each level. Those who have read much o’ this blog (I’m sorry) would probably guess that I’d love such a disarray o’ irrelevant sound experiments—visualized through a neon-backdropped screen flashing ‘tween random images, such as the Game & Watch guy with headphones, a photorealistic strawberry zooming in & out, & some real human cosplaying as Wario. Some o’ them are actually songs, such as the aforementioned “Soft Shell,” & “Mr. Ether & Planetaria”; but most are just collections o’ noises, such as 1 which is just a buzzing fly that is finally smitten, a sleeping guy snoring, heavy mechanical heartbeats, hushed whispers, &, my favorite, an epic o’ some guy waking up to go out & walk to the store to buy something, & then walking back home, all depicted through speechless noises.

The graphics were similarly strange, though mo’ in a cartoony grotesque way than in a “¿What the hell is this?” way. Zombie Wario wasn’t just a stereotypical dark blue version o’ himself with tattered clothes & dark eyes, but was made up o’ neon rainbow goop that splashed all o’er. Puffy Wario had mo’ exaggerated cheeks than in the previous entries. The animation was also quite smooth.

How level progress was measured was also rather creative: rather than a simple goal @ the end, one’s goal was to collect various objects, hit a switch, & then race back to the start before time (& then one’s coins) ran out. The key ghost named Keyzer was needed to unlock the next level & all 4 corners o’ the gem is needed for all 4 levels per zone were needed to unlock that zone’s boss. It’s interesting ’cause most games have levels wherein “beating” it is plain, black & white; but here it’s messier. Obviously we can’t say that just hitting the switch & returning to the beginning warp “beats” the level, ’cause it creates no progress: you’re right back where you started. ¿But is getting the Keyzer sufficient? It is for the 1st few levels; but if one wants to fight the boss—& therefore progress to the end o’ the game—one must collect all o’ the gem corners. Since it’s required to beat the game—rather than the CD, which is just useful for hearing the aforementioned weird-ass music in the “sound test,” or any money—one could argue that the level’s not truly beaten—as opposed to completed, which would require the CD & collecting 10,000 coins for the golden crown—’less the gems are collected, too.

Wario Land 4 also lets one try all o’ the zones but the last in any order one wants, including going back & forth ‘mong zones. This is hardly the 1st game to do something like this; but it’s still a plus, nonetheless.

That said, though its music, graphics, & general atmosphere are better than its predecessors, it’s gameplay is inferior to Wario Land 3‘s. It’s much shorter & its levels are much less complex than 3’s, which had a much funner goal system derived from 4 different colored pairs o’ keys & chests per level, which unlock items that unlock other chests & so on.

---

many trees
pass my car without
saying hi

¡You were WROOONG!

¡since the beginning o’ the bomb!

¡You were WROOONG!

¡for far too long!

¡You were WROOONG!

¡since the beginning o’ all time!,

¡since the beginning o’ your worthless life!

black spring tea—
even it dances
to the beat.

Dicen que no puedo llevar a casa suministros de trabajo,

pero no pueden impedirme llevar a casa la luna.

They say I can’t take supplies home from work,

but they can’t stop me from taking home the moon.

My opinion on Mario Kart: Super Circuit has flipflopped o’er the years: @ 1st I remembered it fondly, then I played it ‘gain round the late 2000s & realized how shitty the controls were, & now I’ve gotten round to not disliking it so much. I still can’t comprehend this game’s controls, no matter how much I’ve practiced & no matter how many defenders online claim that it’s great once you get used to them.

That said, I do have to acknowledge that it was a precursor to many o’ the things that made Mario Kart DS so great, like retro courses & rankings. It also does have great music & memorable race tracks, like “Ribbon Road,” “Sunset Wilds,” “Sky Garden,” the rainy “Luigi Circuit,” & “Cheese Land.” & e’en if the graphics are so blurry that they look like a drunk-driving stimulator & Luigi’s voice sounds as if he’d taken helium (apparently this was his original Japanese voice in Mario Kart 64), there’s a charm to them. Also, it’s not as if he’s any less annoying in Mario Kart 64 (I still have “¡BINGO! ¡HO-HO-HO!” & “¡MAMAMIIAAAAA!” lodged in my god damn head). I only wish it had “¡LUIGI IS THE POPE!” like in the Japanese Mario Kart 64.

An example o’ my tremendous skill @ this game.

The retro courses were just all o’ the tracks from Super Mario Kart, but with updated graphics & divided into 5 cups o’ 4 courses ‘stead o’ the original 4 cups o’ 5 courses, which ‘splains the addition o’ the “Lightning Cup.” However, many o’ the obstacles that were in the original aren’t in these, which is lame, & the graphics are mostly just the same as the main tracks’, making me think these were sort o’ shoved in @ the last second.

To unlock them, one must get a star ranking on a cup after getting gold on every 150cc cup. Other than that, the only unlockables are 2 different title screens: the sunset title screen, which one also gets for getting gold on all 150cc cups & is quite easy, & the night title screen with new music, which requires getting a 3 star ranking on every regular cup, which is borderline impossible. I doubt hardly anyone has done this, since I can’t find any screenshots or YouTube videos o’ it (though I was able to find a save file online, I guess). Then ‘gain, maybe it’s just that nobody gave a shit ’bout Mario Kart: Super Circuit & just ne’er bothered.

¿Have you gotten the night title screen in Mario Kart: Super Circuit? Nobody cares, you narcissistic braggart.

hours after lunch
stuck to my thumb
peanut butter

4 looms ‘bove—
not ‘nough time to hear
every song.