10. W3 The Pool of Rain – Gray

This treasure focuses on a unique gimmick: stakes in the lake that rise when other stakes are ground-pounded, creating puzzles where you have to figure out how to arrange the stakes so that you can reach the next cliff, or in the middle section, to reach the gray key up in the middle.

It’s a very linear, straightforward treasure: you just go right, only going up & left a bit for the gray key, with the chest down a ladder in the last cliff. But the unique gimmick makes up for it, & having a linear path is refreshing once in a while in a game that mostly has mo’ labyrinthine layouts, & the twist for the key where you have to solve 2 different puzzles with the same stake setup is interesting ’nough.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

( as an american… ¡fuck! )

so, like, i guess they call it the sophomore slump
always crying & always drunk
a few dead, more gone, & the rest, well, on their way

( ¡thanks! ¡i hate it! )

– “Cigarette Ahegao”, Penelope Scott

I don’t e’en know what to say. The rightful kings have taken back their crown from the Russian Communist Party & asserted that, no, nobody loses better than the US Democratic Party. ¡E’en some rando named Allan Lichtman with his eldritch 13 Keys o’ Solomon to the White House failed to predict this outcome with his crystal ball!

Scrawling thru the comments sections o’ places like /r/politics & Daily Kos & Wonkette articles, it’s perturbing how liberals have responded to this upset that is apparently shocking, e’en tho polls have been showing this election as neck-&-neck with an easy possibility o’ consistently spilling ’cross many swing states for years. People had been pessimistic ’bout Harris’s chances for months before they suddenly decided ’twas in the bag, which I accurately predicted was a repeat o’ the 2016 euphoria — but this time without the polls to e’en back it up. I mean, part o’ me can understand: polls have been weird & suspicious for years & are o’erly reliant on assumptions that change too quickly &, despite the “Just World Fallacy” being a well-known logical fallacy, it’s natural to assume that the woman who had no major campaign errors & gainst which Republicans could say nothing beyond calling her laugh weird would win gainst the guy who devolved into babbling ’bout immigrants eating cats & dogs & holding a Madison Square Garden rally deliberately reminiscent o’ the infamous 1939 Nazi rallies & had infamously attempted a coup & had been spewing totalitarian rhetoric for years now. But the US voting public have been smashing incompetency expectations a’least since they elected Cowboy Ronnie Reagan: you’d think liberals would be used to it by now.

But most perturbing was how all these so-called liberals were so quick to eerily evoke The Onion’s joke ’bout rushing to find what minority group to scapegoat & bragging with sociopathic glee how fun it’ll be to see minority groups suffer the consequences o’ a Trump presidency as punishment for certain bunches o’ minorities voting for Trump, like Texan Latinos — ’cause Texas going blue was really on the cards.

( The latter is under the article, “The Coming Death of Hispanic-Owned Businesses” ).

This, ’course, includes mocking Muslims whose family might’ve been annihilated in Gaza in the most edgelord fashion:

That being said, I do like the person who replied with the ol’ saying, “Scratch a ( fake ) liberal, a fascist bleeds”:

As one would expect, these belligerent unhinged rants you’d expect from Republicans has not encouraged people to be mo’ supportive to the Democratic Party, but has done the opposite:

Just a reminder that “centrists” & “moderates” can be just as unhinged as the left & the right: that the “Horseshoe Theory” is outdated, replaced by the “Fork Theory”.

The irony is that minority groups have been experiencing this shit fore’er; — just look @ the immigration cages built under Obama or the destruction o’ Gaza happening under the Biden administration — the main change with Trumpian fascism is that now white liberals are @ risk, & that is why these white liberals are reacting with such alarm when before they were a lot mo’ calm when the violence was attacking groups o’ which they were not a part ( &, spoilers, we will see these people jumping to sacrifice minority groups to save their own skins soon ’nough ). They’re not wrong that it’s irrational to vote gainst Trump, since minorities do get less harm under the Democrats; but given how fast they are to hate on entire groups for what some members did, while giving themselves as individuals that are part o’ the white race that supported Trump the most, gives away how fake their concern was for nonwhites. It also reveals that none o’ these crackers know any progressive Latinos or Muslims in the real world that they care ’bout, as if they did I can’t imagine that they’d lump them in with those statistics they read; it’s clear that those statistics they read is all Latinos & Muslims are to them.

Now, I expect this kind o’ edgelordism from Reddit, the place that birthed us such cultural accomplishments as the “incel”, but I expected better from the comments o’, say, The Wonkette, especially since the General Secretary o’ the Communist Party o’ The Wonkette Schoenkopt herself wrote 1 o’ the mo’ sober & empathetic articles ’bout the Great American Disaster o’ 2024:

That said, as a proud Seattlite, I do stand by the commenter with what I think is an Arle icon who said, “CASCADIA FOREVER!”, as well as Daily Kos’s call for a west-coast succession — tho I think we should let the northeast join, too.

E’en AOC, the only cool politico, had to take time out o’ leaving comments on Donkey Kong 64 speedruns — ’cause she’s the only politician brave enough to appreciate that game’s genius — to tell these idiots to calm down.

I’m disturbed ( ¡in the house we’re droppin’ plates! ) that someone as cynical as I think these people are being way too nihilistic & misanthropic & it makes me skeptical that any kind o’ political improvement will happen when e’eryone is starting to agree on antisocial nihilism. After all, nobody can do that better than Trump; no Democrat is e’er going to beat him on that, & I’m not sure what use having Democrats who are better than Trump @ that would be. I can understand the tendency to fall into the idea, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, but we must remember that that “’em” is fascists. If one has given up all hope on any reason or goodwill coming from the majority e’er, no matter what Democrats or people on the left do or say, I don’t see how spitting bile on vague lumps o’ people will improve that — & let’s be clear here, these posters aren’t e’en being funny or charismatic when they do so, which is why I have been elected President o’ Political Satire for Life & they are just randos on ancient blogs. ( ¿Who the fuck writes a diary on Daily Kos anymo’? Have some self-respect & get a WordPress account for chrissakes ). The only logical routes to go from there would be to put one’s hope on some kind o’ benign technocratic oligarchy — & I’ve seen no one support this, especially any scientists who could be credible ’nough to lead that technocracy, e’en if we could somehow assure ourselves that they wouldn’t become corrupted & exploit their power for gain — or giving up on politics entirely & just going back to playing video games & watching YouTube videos. Certainly these people would’ve been better served doing so immediately after these election results. If one still supports democracy & still cares ’bout any form o’ progressivism — & if the latter isn’t true, one has no reason to be complaining ’bout the current results — then one has no choice but to put hope on there existing some way out there to make progressive policies electable.

Which is not to say that people haven’t been offering up all matter o’ pet theories for why Harris failed, none o’ which are backed by hard data, & many o’ which are contradictory. Here’s a list o’ ideas I’ve seen:

• Harris should’ve been mo’ left-wing
• Harris should’ve been less left-wing
• Harris should’ve fought back mo’ gainst Israel to avoid losing Muslim voters
• Harris should’ve fought back less gainst Israel to avoid losing Jewish voters
• The Democrats shouldn’t have called Trump & Republicans fascists
• The Democrats should’ve put mo’ emphasis on how fascist Trump & Republicans are

& the solutions that actually would’ve made any sense would’ve been impossible. People complained ’bout how Biden didn’t do ’nough to deal with inflation, but don’t offer any solutions o’ what he could’ve done, ’cause hardly any o’ them have read any economics &, mo’ unnervingly, seem to think that’s irrelevant, as if reality is just what we say it is — which is a disturbingly Orwellian conclusion people on all sides are tending toward, which, no matter what side you’re on, will inevitably lead to irrationality. It’s depressing to see progressives try to offer “solutions” by just shrugging & saying, “I don’t know, I’m not a politician, these guys are — they should have a solution”. If these progressives are so sick o’ elites, ¿why are they themselves treating politicians as elites that apparently have some understanding beyond us, as if we aren’t the ones who choose them, not the other way round. I sure don’t take for granted that Biden knows mo’ ’bout economics than I do; I spent most o’ the 2020 debates getting annoyed @ all the weak statements he made, like “I am the Democratic Party”, or the statements he didn’t make ( ¿why hasn’t any Democrat made fun o’ the hypocrisy o’ Republicans being against “defund the police”, but in favor o’ defunding e’erything else, to try deconstructing antigovernment sentiments & try & make people appreciate government spending again rather than weakly going, “nuh uh”, & moving on? ¿Why haven’t Democrats turned it back around on Republicans & accused them o’ favoring “defund healthcare”? ), e’en while knowing some o’ the “smarter” things Biden could’ve said would fall flat ’cause it would go o’er voters’ heads. That’s why I’m a satirist who can freely call the majority o’ Americans morons & suffer no consequences — as President o’ Political Satire for Life o’ The Mezunian you hicks in Michigan, Wisconsin, & Pennsylvania can’t vote me out — & not a politician who has to pretend not to have disdain for these slobs. Let’s be real: the US has ne’er had genius presidents. No, not e’en Obama: he was charismatic & a great speaker, which is what a good president needs, but I bet he doesn’t e’en know what “Post-Keynesianism” is & how it differs from “New Keynesianism”, & probably doesn’t care. They have career economists who will tell them what they want to hear: that it’s impractical to decrease inflation without attacking employment & wages. ¿Who do these progressives hope will be the intellectual basis for progressive politics? It doesn’t seem to me that any o’ these progressives care: they just care ’bout any vaguely left-wing politicians elected & get mad when those politicians don’t use magic forces to make the economy good. ( Actually, they don’t e’en put much effort into pushing for politicians themselves, but mo’ whine when they get 1 they don’t 100% love ). They engage in the same anti-intellectualist wishful thinking as Trumpists; that’s the only explanation for why the American public was economically miserable under Biden but Democrats couldn’t find a solution. Maybe steady Democratic policies could’ve gradually improved things eventually; but if Democrats can’t go a single cycle without attacking Biden or Harris as garbage ’cause they’re not solving economic problems quick ’nough, ¿why would anyone expect the people who went to Trump this election to be so patient?

As my snide refrain o’ “Moderate Liberals Known for Utter Failure” indicates, I have no qualms with mocking Democrats when they don’t bother, but it’s hard to think o’ any major flaw in Harris’s campaign beyond the fact that she was a Democrat, Democrats were the incumbent, & thanks to inflation, people were mad @ the incumbents. The real world doesn’t operate on the Just World Fallacy & sometimes uneducated people vote on bullshit ’cause they don’t actually understand anything. Nothing else explains the wide turn from Biden’s massive 81-million win in 2020, after which Biden did better than any progressive expected, & did pretty much what any centrist would expect, & his low polling in 2024. & people who bet on racism & sexism — as if the racists & sexists didn’t already have a better candidate than any white male Democrat than the loudly racist & sexist Trump — are forgetting that the whole reason the Democratic Party frantically switched to Harris was ’cause o’ how low Biden’s polling was. ¿Why was Harris’s higher then? While using that rationale may make leftists feel a sense o’ catharsis gainst terrible people — as if it’s healthy for leftists to stew impotently in their nihilism — all this does is punish potential future women & possibly black candidates ( despite Obama still being 1 o’ the most popular recent Democrat candidate disproving the latter ) for indefinite cycles based on the sloppy assumption that “women are unelectable” based on 2 evidence points, both o’ which skewed in many ways. E’en if Harris were to blame for not “communicating well enough” to people who get all their politics from rightwing grifters who have an interest in making up whate’er bullshit they can gainst the Democrats ( how this is done short o’ magical mind-control technology is ne’er elucidated by these self-asserted strategists ) or for being “devoid o’ personality” or “a husk o’ a human”, in contrast to Biden, the world’s most exciting politician, who, ne’ertheless, has the record for winning the most votes o’ any US president ( & which is a suspiciously common critique gainst women candidates ), then progressives have no step to stand on for blaming the “institutional” Democrats: the progressives were all demanding Biden step aside for Harris after his amazing debate where he revealed to the world how he beat medicare; I heard not a single complaint ’bout Harris would lose the racist & sexist vote that progressives surely hold dear. Same goes for the people whining ’bout how primary votes were ignored: I heard not a single complaint about such back in July; ¿now you cowards suddenly pretend like ’twas a problem all along?

None o’ this is a strong defense for the Bidens & Harrises o’ the Democratic Party, for whom any defense or attack from me is meaningless ( making jokes, like calling Biden “Biden His Time”, is a different story, as they bring us laughter, which is very useful ). Tim Kaine isn’t reading my communist stoner blog; institutional Democrats are going to do what they decide to do & what influence this post has on them could only come thru progressives reading this. I’m bored o’ hearing progressives just whine ’bout the Democrats they hold in expectation as being on their team while doing nothing to compel Democrats to do so, as if Tim Kaine & the ilk are going to read their whines & have a change o’ heart.

But what’s weirdest ’bout this fatalism is that it’s tied to some made up permanent swing o’ general sentiments & not, you know, the threat that Trump may seize dictatorial control & end elections, period — or a’least rig them so that de facto Republicans always keep control ( I’m not convinced Trump is competent ’nough — he still can’t figure out how to get the military to not hate him, which is kind o’ important to authoritarian regimes — to be able to seize control o’ the government; Trump likes to think o’ himself as Hitler, but he is not nearly as smart ). But let’s say elections go as normal: ¿why do people keep assuming election results mean permanent swings? Anyone who has paid attention to the last few decades would notice that politics swings back & forth as people get sick o’ 1 party & swing to the other. This especially happens during midterms after a newly elected president — & considering how weak the Republican’s win was this year, especially for the house, I’m going to go far ’nough to outright call that unless Trump seriously rigs the election, Dems are taking the house in 2026. & note that despite what centrists would tell you, these swings don’t go toward the center or as fatalistic leftists would tell you go toward the right, but go outward: e’ery Democratic president since Bill Clinton has inched further to the left as Republicans have gone rightward.

To be fair, there is 1 major criticism one could make gainst the Biden administration: the fact that Trump was allowed to get ’way with 1/6 & his many threats gainst his enemies. In a sense, leftists had a reason to be apathetic ’bout a hypocritical administration that brayed so oft ’bout what a threat to democracy Trump was, but did nothing ’bout it themselves, & surely wouldn’t allow leftists to take matters into their own hands. ¿What, then, would giving Democrats another 4 years accomplish? ¿Did the Democrats expect anyone to hold out the expectation that Trump could’ve been kept out o’ the oval office fore’er by mere elections, with how inevitable party swings are in this climate? If I were to diagnose the failure o’ the Democratic party to inspire ’nough passion to get people out to vote for them, there is a very simple reason: the Democratic party are bitches. Not only leftists, but e’en an increasing # o’ formerly moderate liberals who saw that the time for moderatism is dead, were calling for Democrats to stop being bitches who kowtowed to Republicans’ hypocritical, concern-troll demands & pretended that the same government that had no problem drone-striking any US citizen with a middle-eastern name could do absolutely nothing gainst a clear domestic terrorist, despite being given so many options — the supreme court e’en essentially declared the president invincible to law. @ that point the supreme court already declared the US president a dictator; but Biden, ironically just like the foolish purity-contest leftists who couldn’t vote for Harris due to her support for Israel despite the practical uselessness o’ such a decision, decided to be a foolish purity-content liberal & “protect” liberal republicanism by refusing to use said powers himself, but keeping such an authoritarian state in place for a future would-be dictator to exploit, based on this bizarre idea that the limits o’ government are not enshrined in law, but enshrined in the populace ne’er e’er electing someone who might want to ignore the law. We saw how long that lasted. Anyone with half a brain who truly cared ’bout liberal republicanism would have reacted by exploiting said powers to eliminate said court & replace it with a court that would reinstate the rule o’ law. This was the feckless party that was s’posed to protect republicanism gainst the eternal o’ 1 Republican victory, where e’ery election was the most important election, fore’er. In such a situation, US republicanism’s collapse was already inevitable. Biden was, in fact, the perfect representation o’ the Democratic party & the perfect representation o’ the US republic: a drooling senile man minutes away from death. Plus, we must honestly ask ourselves: ¿how many Americans actually care ’bout the republic, or e’en like it? I mean, I certainly prefer it to a dictatorship; — I definitely don’t look forward to feds getting up my craw ’cause I made fun o’ Emperor Massive Dumps & don’t want to go thru the hassle o’ moving my 5 cats & 500+ books to another country — but just as leftists have been warning that people need to support something positive in the Democratic party, not just vote for “not the Republicans”, leftists & liberals don’t want just “not a dictatorship”, they want a government that is truly responsive to the needs o’ the general public. History has shown that the public is willing to throw out democracy if some charismatic strongman charlatan can convince them that his dictatorship will make the trains run on time.

Now, granted, if Trump fails to destroy our federal election systems, Democrats are open to new leadership: Biden’s obviously out, since he’s basically a potted plant now; Kamala Harris’s career is o’er & she’s be standing on the sidelines like Hilary Clinton; Nancy Pelosi’s retired from house speaker; & nobody remembers that Chuck Schumer exists. The question is, ¿will progressives actually put any effort into trying to take leadership or will they continue to whine impotently on online forums while quoting some soundbyte Bernie Sanders releases from his nursing home & fantasizing ’bout a 2016 when Sanders — the only socialist in existence — became president? You bougie-ass cosplay commies like to reference Lenin & shit; well, as some rando shouted to Lenin: “¡Take power, you son of a bitch, when it is handed to you!”.

’Course there are still some delusional fake liberals — nerdy people who support Republicans ’cause they benefit them materially, but who pretend to be liberal to avoid being associated with the buffoonery that dominates the Republican party & try to fit in with the intellectual leftists who trade their material interests ( or don’t share material interests with rich white men ) for honesty & for some reason think these leftists don’t see thru them & put on a victim complex when leftists snub them — who will spew the ol’ niceties that the Democrats are just too vicious, — you know, the same Democrats who let a domestic terrorist win an election & just make himself a dictator — like Nate Silver, a STEM-lord — & not e’en a good 1, since this so-called “math geek” couldn’t e’en learn ’nough HTML & CSS to make his own website & not rely on Substack to give him a generic site that looks like e’eryone else’s, the coward — known for election polls & being a gambling addict ( running an election gambling site that bases its odds on polls like the 1s he makes, which isn’t a conflict o’ interest @ all ) & who has the delusion that he knows anything ’bout how people think, despite having ne’er talked to anyone in real life. Now, while a normal person on planet earth would consider the presidential candidate who repeatedly talks ’bout wanting to be a dictator; talks ’bout wanting to throw people out o’ the US for having beliefs he doesn’t like, including not believing in fairy tales ’bout an invisible man in the sky whose son/self could walk on water; & uses Nazi language, like saying immigrants are “poisoning the blood of our country” to be the epitome o’ toxic, Nate Silver is mo’ concerned with Democrats being so “ruthless” as to… force Biden to give up his re-election campaign after ’twas revealed he’s a vegetable, — e’en tho Nate Silver was 1 o’ the loudest voices calling for it — not going out o’ their way to praise the supreme court for… complaining ’bout affirmative action ’cause it s’posedly hurts Asian Americans ( ¿maybe ’cause you’re the only 1 who cares ’bout this very niche, specific issue, Nate? ), & not letting trans people be excluded from sports to better facilitate gender segregation. Also, they were mean to poor tech startups, who did e’erything for Democrats, like heavily fund Republicans ( as well as Nate Silver, who is funded by Republican Peter Thiel, but is totally a liberal, guys, he just constantly concern-trolls behalf o’ Republicans like those who pay him is all ). Funny enough, he whines ’bout a bunch o’ “unpopular” progressive policies they support & s’posed slow growth o’ blue states, all uncited, & the latter irrelevant ( western countries have slower growth than Africa, so I guess Africa is much better off than the west ), but Silver can’t say what liberal policies he thinks the Democrats should support & for whom. Then again, Silver shows his amazing ignorance o’ economics & not being rich with this hilarious advice:

Doing a better job of making California and New York growth-oriented jurisdictions will naturally make Democrats seem less like a party for rich snobs who don’t mind high taxes and bad services because they’re insulated from the struggles of daily life.

Nate, as someone who actually grew up white trash working poor — e’en living in a trailer @ a certain point in high school & relying on food bank food for a while — in an urban area, let me explain to you what poverty is actually like: we don’t care ’bout high taxes ( namely ’cause “high taxes” is high taxes on rich parasites like Nate Silver, not payroll taxes, which actually affects those o’ use with real jobs ); we are excited ’bout income tax time ’cause we get money back. On the other hand, “growth-oriented” isn’t useful, as rich people just keep all that growth for themselves while wages stagnate. Also I would take the “bad services” o’ actually having buses & trains in the city o’er having to spend thousands o’ $ on a car, maintenance, & gas to travel the miles o’ empty roads filling… whate’er imaginary rural prairie Silver thinks all poor people live on ’cause he watched The Waltons, since this cracker obviously lives in a tacky gated McMansion in Silicon Valley. Please read an economics book for once, Nate.

Honestly, there are so much dumb shit I’ve stumbled ’pon on his blog, including his laughable attempt @ forming his own made-up 3-way political triangle to pretend he isn’t aligned with conservatives based on some bullshit Hayek made up & nothing else, that we would be here all day if I made fun o’ it all. It’s clear that this guy’s understanding o’ politics comes only from doomscrolling Twitter bitch fights rather than actual books, which is why he tries to psychoanalyze the political thought o’ leftists rather than actually studying any real sociology or political scientist ( for example, it explains his confusion regarding the so-called separation o’ Marxism & intersectionality — he has no idea what “class” is, thinking that race, gender, & sexuality are somehow some completely different “identities” ). I would recommend he do actual studying, but that would take effort & time & would distract from his gambling, & I don’t think he’s arguing in good faith, anyway, & as he whines, the Democrats rightfully don’t take seriously any o’ his advice ’cause e’en they think he’s too out-o’-touch. Which is to say, I want to get this article o’er with ’cause I have books I want to read, like The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich — I have no idea why I’ve suddenly developed curiosity on learning the details regarding the transition from democracy to totalitarianism — where I can learn things from people with reading actually scholarly works, not give myself brain cancer reading such eloquent articles as this bitch-ass ho whining ’cause the Big Left Cult won’t admit that they’re all involved in a conspiracy that he made up in his schizophrenic head to force woke “emotionalist” discourse on people & something something Mad Deadly Worldwide Communist Gangster Computer God. Yeah, I would be as dumb as Nate Silver if I read mind vomit like that all the time, too.

There are ’course plenty of other out-o’-touch, irrelevant Boomers & Gen-Xer centrists & Republicans pretending to be Democrats like Matt Yglesias & Morning Joe also jumping on the bandwagon that Democrats’ problem is that they’re not bigoted ’nough gainst trans people ( & aren’t taking seriously racist Republican dogwhistles ) — ’cause I’m sure being bigoted gainst trans people isn’t going to turn off e’en mo’ leftists from the Democrats & would encourage those who are comfortable with being bigoted to stop supporting the candidate for whom the main criticism is his bigotry in favor o’ this potential less-charismatic Democratic bigot. These proclamations only reveal how shallow Yglesias & Scarborough’s politics are: people with self-respect — so not these people — don’t just change their principles so they can fit in with the winning team, but work to try & make their principles win; liberals vote for Democrats on the condition that they support liberal principles; they don’t support liberal principles just ’cause they win. If liberal principles can’t win e’er, then there is no reason for the Democratic Party to exist @ all.

’Course, these people are truly conservatives bitter that the Republican Party has become the fascist party & are trying to twist the Democratic Party from a moderate liberal party into a conservative party, but that’s not going to work, ’cause conservativism is dead, as it always becomes when capitalism goes into crisis after great depressions. The same happened in the 1930s. If Silver, Yglesias & Scarborough knew any history, they’d know that it wasn’t conservatives who defeated fascism: ’twas the ( oft uneasy ) cooperation o’ socialists & liberals; conservatives by & large supported fascism, which is why the Republican Party opposed the US fighting against the Nazis. What the Silver, Yglesias, & Scarboroughs o’ the US are calling for when whining ’bout the left being too mean gainst the Republicans by calling them fascists is appeasement — & history has shown that appeasing fascists ne’er works; the only way to beat them is to crush them.

What they do show for those still in denial is how “It Can Happen to Us”: it shows how many pretend liberals can throw ’way their principles in the name o’ being on the winning team. It makes me wonder if these 3 claiming that calling hateful immigration & trans policy what they are is “extreme” & that we should compromise with fascists would say the same ’bout the kind o’ policies Germany applied gainst Jewish people, which, after all, a majority o’ Germans supported — & as Bret Stephens o’ The New York Times said, “It won’t do to dismiss a majority of the country as biased, ignorant or otherwise basely motivated”, & how many Americans Germans were trans Jewish after all. Much as Suozzi said, “I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but I don’t think biological boys should be playing in girls’ sports”, I could just as much imagine him saying, “I don’t want to discriminate against anybody, but I don’t think Jewish people should be running German businesses”. As Scarborough said, the opposition to the Nazi Party had a choice: “[Y]ou can support transgender Jewish rights up and down all the categories where the issue comes up, or you can understand that there’s certain things that we just go too far on, that a big bulk of our population does not support”. I’m sure these people feel good ’bout themselves now; but I wouldn’t want to be them 100 years later, given how historians will remember them — if they are unlucky ’nough to be remembered. Personally, I would rather not be eternally remembered as someone who acquiesced to fascists, e’en if it means the Democrats lose some elections.

Ne’ertheless, I’m still a bitter cynic, & I still prefer this bile to USA Today writing a fanfic in which the founding fathers’ ghosts lament the death o’ the US republic with the election o’ Emperor Massive Dumps. Apparently USA Today got the misapprehension that the death o’ the US republic & the fall o’ all political norms mean the death o’ the rules gainst posting cringe. They’re wrong.

You might expect that I’d leave it @ Democrat ( & fake Democrats ) tears, since they are the ones who lost, but no: as it turns out, Republicans are mostly reacting to this win with their own brand o’ self-victimhood whining.

For instance, Trump, rather than be happy @ how lucky he is to get a 2nd chance @ being president & having his charges dropped, would rather spend time whining ’bout policies California is planning in this very coherent post on Bootleg Twitter Bootleg Twitter:

Wait, ¿so is California “beautiful” already or does it still need to be made “great again”? ¿Made great how? ¿By making it like the poorer red states?

As for reactions from ordinary people — or people/bots on Reddit, which is perhaps not quite up to the standard o’ real people — we have women deciding to go celibate for Trump’s presidency in protest to him being a sexist pedophile rapist & the predictable triggered response from incels or young men whining that they have “nothing” ’cause they have no skills & it’s “outside their control” somehow ( somehow despite being a young white working-class man myself, I’ve avoided this tragic circumstance ) & how it’s Democrats’ fault for offering nothing — except subsidized health care, student loan forgiveness, food stamps, infrastructure improvements, assistance for small businesses…

Meanwhile, ¿what’s r/conservative talking ’bout? I bet they must be excited ’bout their unexpected victory & are probably talking ’bout all the exciting ways they think Republicans will improve society for all o’ us. O, wait, no, it’s mostly just focusing on how it effects the Democratic presidential candidate or how minorities feel ’bout it — basically, just spitting bile on their “enemies”, rather than celebrating with fellow friends, as, being a political clan defined purely on beating down others, they have no friends, & probably hate each other, too — especially those who are less pure than themselves. O yeah, & multiple threads o’ conspiracy theories ’bout election fraud because 1 o’ their senate candidates didn’t win, despite already taking the senate, anyway, based purely on “this doesn’t feel right, so it must be wrong”. That’s right: these spoiled babies would rather whine ’bout not getting all the senate seats than be excited ’bout getting a trifecta. This is why you ne’er try compromising with conservatives: they are ne’er happy with what they get.

O yeah, & we have some nice protests with signs showing “WOMEN ARE PROPERTY” & “HOMO SEX IS SIN( FULLY SEXY )”, as well as signs calling slaves property & a sign quoting the Biblical book o’ Romans saying that sodomy is “WORTHY OF DEATH” — to which I agree: such cumful pleasure is worth any risk, e’en death. ( But remember: Christians are so much mo’ tolerant than those dirty Muslims who believe in the same invisible man in the sky ). &, let’s see, fans o’ the neonazi with an AI-generated face, Nick Fuentes, sending messages that say, “your body, my choice”, the incredibly clever “get back to the kitchen”, & calling for repelling the 19th amendment & racist texts being sent to a bunch o’ black people, including children. ¿Do you think the crybaby conservatives who demand intolerant leftists stop being so divisive & doing things like Biden calling Trump & his supporters “garbage” — the meanest o’ insults, if you’re a 6-year-ol’ — & that’s why they had no choice but to vote for the pedophile rapist nazi candidate criticized these people for a bad representation o’ conservatives? ¿Do you think “liberal” Nate Silver who praised Republicans as so much mo’ civil than those doctrinaire Democrats who won’t compromise on whether or not discriminating gainst trans people is acceptable so much as acknowledged such repulsive messages being sent to kids? Nope: they have no problem with it — it’s not a “bad” representative o’ Republicans; it’s an accurate representation. It’s not just what the Republicans support, but also what the Silvers, Yglesias, & Scarboroughs support, which is why they didn’t complain ’bout it.

E’en after this massive win, what will probably the height o’ Republican success & apparent validation, I don’t envy Republicans. If this is how they react when they win, it’s clear that they are just miserable, small people. Contrast when Sleepy Joe, who was a mid candidate whose greatest achievement is still playing Luigi in Mario Kart, won in 2020 the general cheer ’mong liberals & actual hopes for the future. Hell, e’en I, whose job it is to say bad things ’bout people for entertainment, was mo’ positive than these ordinary Republicans. & it’s not as if the left, women, black people, gay people, & trans people won’t survive these 4 years & find better years in the future — much better than the bitter incels who will still be miserable & lonely or e’en Trump himself, who will waste his opportunity to just create messes & whine & spew bile just as much as he did when Biden was president.

To paraphrase a song from a much better battle in 2024:

you lied about the only people who could offer you some help;
fuck an election, you’ve got a long-life battle with yourselves

20. N5 The Tidal Coast – Blue

O’ the few uses o’ the octopuses in this game, this is the most interesting use, challenging the player to navigate an underwater maze to find both the key & the chest room while avoiding the charge attacks o’ the octopuses who alternate from up & down as they enter the screen & threaten to shove the player back — & possibly make them lose track o’ where they are if they aren’t paying close attention to where they get shoved.

The chest room is also a novel concept, challenging the player to jump out o’ the water while dodging the apples that will make Wario fat & sink back to the bottom o’ the water, albeit underutilized with just 1 straightforward iteration. I can imagine potential twists where you need to intentionally get fat @ a certain part o’ the water so you sink down & break donut blocks. Howe’er, such extra variations would work better for their own treasure, not @ the end o’ a treasure that already has a theme.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

¡Stop the count! ¡Trump the Massive Dump Truck Trump already has 6 times as many votes as Kamala Haven’t Come Up with an Insulting Name to Give Her! ¡A Big win! ¡E’en the radical Marxist AP admits it! ¡Already the scheming communist Democrats are scheming to manufacture votes from immigrant states trying to jump the border like Alaska & Hawaii!

Anyway, here’s some news I ran into:

“MLK Jr.’s daughter demands MAGA account delete ‘vile’ deepfake”

These crackas ain’t learned from the Great Beef War o’ 2024 when Drake had AI Tupac diss Kendrick.

“DOJ agrees to not send monitors inside polling places after Ken Paxton files last-minute suit”

Republicans fight for electoral integrity by… ¿diminishing o’ersight?

“Proud Boys claim they’ll be at polling places as Trump ups violent rhetoric and election fraud claims”

O, I see: it’s ’cause we don’t need to waste government resources monitoring elections when the certified specialists, the Proud Boys, are on the case.

I sure feel safe voting with these average apple-pie Americans loitering around. If you honkeys are so proud, ¿why are you covering your faces? Have some self-esteem for your physical appearances, guys: I’m sure you’re all very beautiful.

“Kamala Harris Notches Another Big Hollywood Endorsement: Dick Van Dyke”

Hold on: ¿Dick van Dyke’s still alive?

Not gonna lie: seeing so many news articles & posts talking ’bout how Harris is going to SMASH this election like a like button — ¡look @ this poll showing her lead! — especially after all the polls showing Republican leads not that long ago, doesn’t assure me, but just give me Vietnam flashbacks to all the euphoria ’hind the 2016 election.

Tho, I have to say, I’m suspicious o’ some o’ the ( unofficial, I must emphasize ) results I’m seeing from AP, claiming that Trump has already won Utah despite 0 votes being counted & showing the 2 main candidates as Trump & Cornel West. You can’t discount West so early.

Daily Kos

There’s not much interesting from Daily Kos — well, interesting to make fun o’; they have very informative articles on general election odds & expectation & electoral statistical oddities going on in states like Ohio that, granted, may be typical liberal cope.

“State of the Race: We have a long way to go” & “Can we please stop the Dooming? NC, GA not called. No reason to think the Blue Wall won’t hold!”

As always, Daily Kos performs their biannual duty o’ being their readers’ therapist, soothing them that all those red splotches on the map from the impatient vote counters in the southeast doesn’t prove anything, the cities are on their way.

Mark Robinson is now free to ‘perv’ out on porn sites after likely massive loss

I can’t believe the self-described “Black Nazi” who insulted MLK Jr., expressed holocaust denial, & engaged in a bunch of other 4chan-level edgelord antics didn’t win. Maybe he was too woke. If he bit the head off a communist on live television instead o’ lamely just calling for some passive-tense killing o’ communists & socialists — ¡quit being a welfare queen & waiting for the government to do it for you, pull up your own bootstraps, & do it yourself, Robinson! — I’m sure he would’ve done better. I’m also not sure why Daily Kos emphasized the least bad part o’ this candidate: if a politician wants to perv out on porn sites, I believe that’s between them & God.

Anyway, I have much mo’ important updates from a much mo’ vital news source:

SiIvaGunner

Reddit

“/r/Politics’ 2024 US Elections Live Thread, Part 62”

For some reason Redditors on /r/politics are going full doomerism & already assuming the Democrats have lost.

Back to Daily Kos

Uh O: I looked back @ Daily Kos & now see doomerist articles from them.

“State of the Race: Preparing for the worst”

The title sounds very alarming, but the content just says, “This thing won’t be called on Tuesday night”. ¿I guess a bunch o’ liberals expected Harris to absolutely destroy Trump ’cause they don’t like him, despite most polls promising a close election?

This is just like 2016 and 2020. There will be lots of ink spilled over the reality that half this country is totally okay with a racist, insurrectionist, convicted felon. I can’t even fathom how we recover from that, but we must.

¿How many times do you have to relearn this lesson, Kos?

“Even when they win, Republicans are losers—and have been for 20 years”

Ultimate cope: “Well, a’least we did better than Kerry in 2004” & “Yeah, but we won the popular vote again, so that means demographics is destiny still”, the latter o’ which is strange in response to a president who threatens to be a dictator.

Other News

It seems confirmed that Republicans took back control o’ the Senate, which was highly expected & will make it difficult for Democrats to wrench back control o’ the supreme court unless they can take it back in 2026.

The Wonkette, which usually isn’t averse to a bit o’ doomerism, seems much mo’ reserved, tho.

Anyway, we’ve got much mo’ important news from Daily Kos:

O, shit, I’m going to go up & get 1 right now.

Well, it’s that time o’ the quadrennium: time to flip that coin & see if the us’s pseudeodemocracy will hobble on a few mo’ years or whether Massive Dumps Truck Trump will say, “¡You’re fired!” to its electoral system & say “¡Lock her up!” to lady liberty, as well as all o’ his enemies, from Dark Brando Sando to that McDonalds clerk who was a bit snide when taking his order. It’s hard to believe it’s been a decade since I 1st started doing these weird articles in 2014 — that 1st article being, honestly, still the best 1 I’ve written so far.

Let’s start off by rubbing our crystal ball, 538, & seeing what they forecast will be the leader of our impending doom:

Well, given how tiny the difference ’tween 53 & 46, that doesn’t give much o’ a hint — well, other than Joseph Kishore o’ the Socialist Equality Party better prepare himself for a big disappointment. Well, maybe Nate Silver on his baby Substack website has something that will give us a better clue:

¡Damn it! ¡Why can’t you forecasters twist your forecasts so they’re not right on the half-&-half mark instead o’ focusing on silly things like “being accurate”? ( Tho Nate Silver in another article insinuates that many polls are deliberately twisting their #s toward the center to fit in with other polls, making averages less accurate, due to fears o’ underrating Trump’s chances 3 times in a row, while noting that the mo’ consistently accurate polls, like the Ann Selzer polls, show Harris having relatively much better odds. )

But that’s all nugatory; unlike these vacillating cowards, The Mezunian has a forecast that is guaranteed to turn out true:

This is guaranteed to be true, since any vote that is not for the Englesist Magical Socialist™ Party is bourgeois treason, — including those from other socialist parties, which are fake socialism, & therefore they don’t count & are reactionary, too — & therefore invalid. Therefore, ¡stop the count! All those who whine ’bout vote counting not being immediate should rest easy when the Magical Socialists are in power, as you’ll ne’er need to vote ’gain when our warm protection is wrapped round you.

Anyway, I’m not surprised the candidate whose last presidency involved a catastrophic failure to take seriously a pandemic that killed millions & that ended with an attempted coup & being the only president to refuse to work with the next president during transition would be competitive with a woman who, um, changed her mind on fracking & supporting cutting funding to police, I guess. ¿Whate’er happened to Republicans being against high government spending? Funny how they only oppose spending when it involves helping people get fed or shelter & not when it involves violence or environmental destruction — almost like they’re just sociopaths who just make up an arbitrary self-contradictory definition o’ “freedom” to shroud their violent & apocalyptic fetishes.

This would explain why the Conservative Political Action Committee had on its banner the hilariously sarcastic line, “We Are All Domestic Terrorists”, which is, ’course, an absurdly bigoted assumption to make ’bout the party that spent the noughties accusing all Democrats o’ being terrorist lovers ’cause they refused to support didn’t support as ardently Republicans’ war against a middle-eastern country that had nothing to do with al-Qaeda, or why they would make such hilarious jokes, like calling Puerto Rico — whose people make up an important proportion o’ the voting citizenry in vital swing state Pennsylvania — a “floating island of garbage” @ their Madison Square Garden “patriotic” rally, which was, in no way, connecting to a certain other infamous Madison Square Garden rally, no way. ¿Why do you liberals keep accusing Republicans o’ being Nazis just ’cause they can’t stop praising Hitler as “the kind of leader we need today” or running candidates tied to neo-Nazi organizations or stealing lines from Hitler? It sounds like liberals are the ones who love Nazis so much, given how obsessed they are with focusing on Republicans’ propensity for acting like Nazis. ¿Don’t they have less perverse things to focus on? ¿Don’t they realize how bigoted it is to accuse all Republicans o’ being fascists just ’cause they choose to associate with fascists? ( ’Course, it’s perfectly reasonable for Republicans to call all Democrats communists for decades, since that’s just an objectively-proven fact ).

Anyway, Republicans can’t be Nazis ’cause they support Israel… who are currently being investigated by the Genocide Convention for possibly committing genocide gainst Palestinians & whose prime minister defended Hitler & expressed conspiratorial denial o’ Hitler’s contribution toward the Holocaust, — a form o’ Holocaust denial — which signed an agreement with Poland to deny the historical fact o’ Poland’s participation in the Holocaust, — another form o’ Holocaust denial — & whose Diaspora Minister defended antisemitic stereotypes Musk applied to Holocaust-survivor George Soros ’cause Soros dared to not to support Israel’s right-wing government, despite not being against Israel’s existence itself, only supporting its left wing. Netanyahu’s son also made an antisemetic cartoon gainst Soros that won the applaud o’ Neo-Nazi organization The Daily Stormer. That a Holocaust-survivor would be maligned by Israel is no surprise, since Israel actually has a long history o’ denigrating Holocaust-survivors for being weak sheep who just let themselves be slaughtered, rather than the warmongering Israeli revolutionary hero, leading some Holocaust survivors to pretend to be Israeli-born, & e’en now Holocaust survivors face poverty in Israel. So, yeah, Israel cares so deeply ’bout Jewish people — when they’re useful tools for serving their far-right government’s imperialistic ambitions, nothing mo’; & since Republican Nazis who spew conspiracy theories ’bout “Jewish space lasers” & who chant, “Jews will not replace us”, as well as antisemetic Hungarian authoritarian leaders, also serve said far-right government’s imperialistic ambitions, Israel supports them, too. ¿Religious leaders being cynical & hypocritical authoritarians? ¿Who would’ve thought?

Anyway, if Republicans’ “this entire ethnicity o’ people are literally trash” “joke” wasn’t hilarious ’nough — ¿why can’t Democrats take a joke? ¡Such humorless wokes! — then their response to Dark Brando Sando’s ( accurate ) comeback that Trump & his sycophants are, in fact, garbage, which deeply triggered Republicans ( looks like Republicans are the ones who can’t take “jokes” now ) by… dressing in garbage bags, confirming Dark Brando Sando’s claim: “yes, we are in fact garbage, & proud o’ it”. This is just 1 step ’way from my exaggerated joke ’bout Republicans shitting their pants to own the libs who tell them it’s bad to do so, & why The Mezunian won a Pulitzer Prize in “describing those Republican crackers exactly as they be”. & this is why all o’er the US you see despair from those with functioning brains & self-respect: there is no chance o’ teaching sanity to people who proudly dress in garbage bags to extol their rotten inner natures. Luckily, it’s doubtful that these idiots make up mo’ than a very loud minority & the appearance o’ their importance is only due to the highlight given to them by o’eranxious liberals & conservatives desperate to pretend Republicans are still normal — since the alternative is to admit that regular conservatism has become utterly irrelevant & that the only reasonable alternative to fascism in the US is some form o’ leftist.

Anyway, as per tradition, it’s time we take a look @ a bunch o’ blogs & news sources I ignore rest o’ the year:

Counterpunch

This time bitter obscure commie rag Counterpunch has much mo’ interesting articles than the usual ol’ man grumbling o’ “regardless o’ who wins, it’s a victory for capitalism”, which, ’course, isn’t news @ all, but older than time, & was already said decades ago in a much catchier song by Chumbawamba:

“Will Rappers Elect Trump?”

This lists a bunch o’ super fashionable rappers that all the zoomzooms admire like Li’l Pimp, 50 Cent, & Li’l Wayne — just like how my nephew always rocks it to Limp Bizkit & Foo Fighters — &… honestly jumps from simplistic assumption to simplistic assumption, like that black people like Trump — sorry, “a percentage” o’ black people like Trump, which is backed by a source that just lists a bunch o’ anecdotes o’ fake TikTok rhinestone-ass rappers & rap influencers like DJ Akademiks Kendrick Lamar rightfully criticized in “Watch the Party Die”, no real statistics — ’cause he’s under criminal charges ( um… ¿What? ). Let me also say that it’s funny that this writer shames “primarily white media commentators” for “ignoring” this connection while constantly referencing The New York Times talking ’bout this connection: as we all know, The New York Times is the blackest o’ news sources in the US, with such hood alumni that are deep in the culture like DJ David Brooks, Ross “Douthat Boi”, & Thomas “The Funky Stacheman” Friedman. Anyway, this certainly doesn’t mean Republicans or The New York Times are mo’ inline with contemporary hiphop culture than Democrats: back in 2016 Obama rightfully predicted the true top dog o’ rap ’tween Kendrick Lamar & Drake 8 years early. Actual polls show the surprisingly contrary data that the black woman is mo’ popular with young black men than the white supremacist. E’en mo’ surprising, despite writing so many articles ’bout the Israeli-Palestinian War & the US’s role in it, this article makes no mention o’ the Biden administration’s controversial assistance to Israel during their bombardment o’ Gaza playing a role in Gen Z black people’s cooling on the Democrats, which would certainly be a mo’ logical connection than some rando whiteboy named Nicky Jam supporting Trump — especially since he took it back after that “Puerto Rico is an island of trash” “joke”, being Puerto Rican himself. ¡Oops!

Grade: C

“Nuts”

¿What’s Counterpunch’s article, “Nuts”, ’bout? It’s ’bout my nuts in yo’ face — ¡gottem!

Grade: 🥜

“America’s First World Problem: A Crisis of Democracy”

This article offers us the stunning sapphire o’ wisdom that the US should be, like, mo’ democratic & less autocratic.

So in reading the digital tea leaves of social media and the strident voices of pundits, prognosticators and provocateurs — apparently there is an America out there lying in ruins, buried in garbage and now needs a strongman, carrying the flags of hate, fear, fatalism and racism — riding in to save-the-day from the clutches of a degenerate zombie democracy, then dumped in the landfill of history and set on fire.

Really?? America DOES need to become a WAY better democracy — at home and abroad.

Cracka, ¿you couldn’t e’en show any receipts from said social media? & you can’t blame people for wanting zombie democracy: the Halloween season is still in the air. Wait a month or 2 & people’ll be calling for degenerate gingerbread democracy.

Grade: D

“A Terrifying Choice Awaits Us”

A tedious reiteration o’ the moral quagmire ’tween the “lesser o’ evils” Democrat apologists & the faux-revolutionary Jill Steinists that e’ery reader o’ this magazine must be tired o’ reading. Ne’er mind that there are much better 3rd-party alternatives to Stein.

Grade: C

“That’s Entertainment: Popular Alternatives to the Presidential Campaign Circus”

Counterpunch contrasts the few people who want to watch a bunch o’ ol’ politicos spewing stale propaganda @ people vs. the large crowds o’ people who would rather watch bland entertainment like football & some Marvel movie, but makes no mention o’ the people who do actually interesting things, like visiting obscure caves & taking photos o’ rare wildlife.

Grade: C

“Virtuous, Smug and Venal: British Electoral Interference in the US”

This is the best article I found, a look @ various British political groups’ attempts @ influencing US elections, a reverse o’ the usual US-centric focus on how the US influences other countries’ politics. I emphasize “attempts” ’cause it also lists many ways in which it fails, including attempts to convince Americans not to vote for George W. Bush in 2004, to which the nationalistic American conservative, predictably, reacted with trite stereotypical insults gainst said Brits ’bout bad teeth & how tiny their island is. ’Course, other countries trying to influence US elections is well known, such as recent examples o’ information campaigns from Russia, Ukraine, Israel, & Palestine to strengthen or weaken the US’s assistance toward Ukraine & Israel & the mutual spread o’ far right movements ’cross Europe & the US, including Hungarian authoritarian leader Orbán speaking @ US CPAC, & is an inevitability in our interconnected modern world where the internet can make international communication happen in seconds. Notably, the normally normatively-outspoken Counterpunch is ambiguous on whether they consider foreign influence genuinely troubling, but with rarer instances like British influence getting less attention, or if the negative tone applied to British influence is ironic, mocking the way the media hyperventilates o’er the influence o’ nations the media doesn’t like like Russia, Palestine, or China.

Grade: B

“What Venezuelans Think About Their Presidential Election”

If there’s 1 thing I’ve gathered from my years o’ experience studying Venezuelan politics & listening to Venezuelans themselves it’s that one should not trust any English-speaking honkeys like this article writer — or anything any mainstream American media like The New York Times or The Washington Post — say ’bout what Venezuelans think, as it’s usually either capitalists sucking off American stooges or leftists sucking off a clearly corrupt & incompetent authoritarian & it seems that most Venezuelans I’ve heard don’t like any o’ their politicians any mo’ than Americans like theirs. Also, it’s hard not to see that it is a combination o’ the US intentionally sabotaging the Venezuelan economy thru sanctions & Chavez & Maduro’s incompetent handling o’ infrastructure development ( contrast Venezuela’s inability to make much money off their large amount of oil to heavily-sanctioned Russia’s ability to still make money off their oil ).

& indeed, Counterpunch’s defense o’ Maduro’s “victory” in 2024 is farther than e’en most left-wing organizations would go. To put it into perspective, contrast with Democracy Now!, a well-respected left-leaning non-profit news organization that usually defended Venezuela’s government, a’least gainst western media’s prematurely hysterical criticisms, in the past, but whose news article on the 2024 Venezuelan election was damning in how curt it was & how much it focused on Maduro’s authoritarian actions gainst protesters & his electoral rival. Most notably, the left-wing The Guardian, which has also defended Maduro’s democratic cred in the past, in what has to be their best-researched & sourced article I’ve seen from them, links to multiple collections o’ scanned vote tallies. I myself did the math on the proportions & calculated that, yeah, e’en if e’ery single vote not accounted for was for Maduro, it would be impossible for Maduro to have a higher vote count. Unless these collections involved an impressive amount o’ document-doctoring. Contrast this with the Venezuelan electoral authority refusing to release actual voting data, with the only “proof” o’ Maduro’s victory coming from the executive-captured supreme court. Counterpunch handwaves this by pointing out that many countries settle electoral disputes with the court system, including here in the US when Trump challenged Biden’s victory in 2020, while neglecting the mention the fact that US elections still provide publicly-available election results data, which is the actual issue.

Grade: D

“The Ukraine War is Lost. Three Options Remain”

Counterpunch prove themselves to be hypocritical imperialist apologists by spewing Russian propaganda that the US forced Russia to bloodily invade Ukraine to prevent Ukraine from joining NATO, while not e’en going so far as to assert that the US was e’er trying to make Ukraine do so, much less provide any source to back it up, with the closest being the cowardly vague assertion, also without any evidence, that “[v]ery few outside the West, however, share this perspective” ( why non-European opinions should be relevant to European issues is ne’er answered, either; Eastern Europe certainly seems to be taking the west’s side mo’, with e’en Hungary slightly preferring the US o’er Russia ). ’Course, like much Russian apologia, they completely ignore Ukraine’s perspective, treating them as just a pawn relevant only to petty archaic Cold-War squabbles ’tween the US & Russia, not a real country with real people with lives, wants & concerns — just like how Israel apologists treat Palestinians. & much like how Israel has no “right” to have a neighbor that likes them or doesn’t ally themselves with Israeli enemies like Iran or how the US has no “right” to have neighbors like Cuba not be allied with communists they don’t like, Russia has no “right” to have a neighbor that isn’t allied with the west. Maybe Russia should stop threatening violence gainst their fellow Eastern European countries & start actually treating them like allies & Eastern European countries wouldn’t need to desperately turn to Western European powers — who, to be fair, probably do want to exploit them, let’s be real. But Counterpunch, ’course, needs to ignore Eastern Europe, ’cause treating Russia as a poor li’l victim compared to Eastern European countries — most o’ which were former victims o’ the imperialistic Soviet Union — is obviously absurd. I am consistent in treating these countries, ’cause I actually have some semblance o’ principles; Counterpunch just has stale tankie ideology to regurgitate. That Counterpunch is so willing to ignore Ukraine suffering just for the sake o’ getting yet another jab against the US, as if there aren’t already many valid jabs to take gainst the US, is pathetic & shows that they don’t actually care ’bout victims o’ imperialism.

You can tell how unserious Counterpunch is by how vaguely & how evasively they call for the west to “be diplomatic” & “negotiate”, but don’t give any details on what the west should offer. ¿A promise not to allow Ukraine to join NATO? It seems like Counterpunch is the 1 underrating Russia & treating them condescendingly: Putin would have to be an e’en bigger idiot that the kind o’ leader who would sabotage his country’s economy for the sake o’ 1800s-style empire-building to trust the US’s pinky promise. ¿Remember when the US promised protections for Ukraine after they scammed them into giving up their nukes? By the way, if the west is so obsessed with stoking aggression with Russia, ¿why the hell haven’t any o’ them put actual boots in Ukraine? ¿Why is the US, a country that certainly had no fear o’ invading random countries like Iraq, so averse to occupy Ukraine now that they have the perfect excuse? ¿What would be a better time than now? It could be due to nukes; but if nukes prevent the west from invading Russia, ¿what use would having NATO on Russia’s border have? It’s not like NATO being in Ukraine would make Russian nukes less dangerous for the US.

So insistent on defending Russia that this article contradicts itself in the most absurd way. Read this:

Russia’s slow, grinding use of attrition warfare has paid off: the eastern front is buckling before them and the Ukrainian army, which has put up an astonishingly stout and courageous resistance, is increasingly unable to hold the line.

…

George Beebe sees three options. NATO escalates and becomes directly involved in the fighting – action that could have unspeakable consequences. More likely, Ukraine could suffer a collapse – a combination of military and political failure as the ability to put an effective army in the field is lost.

I want to note that the 1st paragraph is pretty much the only time this article admits Ukraine has any role in this war beyond being NPCs, but still, thru vague language, treats the war mo’ like a friendly competition ’tween 2 admirable competitors rather than a 1-sided imperialistic invasion. Replace “Russia” with “The US” & “Ukraine” with “Iraq” & you have an average op-ed from Thomas Friedman in the kind o’ mainstream American media gainst which Counterpunch pretends they have any kind o’ principled distinction.

Anyway, these paragraphs give us BINGO on the Russian propaganda card by indulging in cope claims that Ukraine is going to collapse under Russia’s brilliant military strategy o’ taking a very long time, — in sharp contrast to Russia’s early expectation o’ a quick victory, now that it has clearly failed — but then claims that NATO “escalating” ( unlike Russia, which is merely fighting a defensive war o’ invasion ) “could have unspeakable consequences”, which are that “Ukraine could suffer a collapse” — implying that the latter would be mo’ likely if the former happened, in contrast to the already-existent s’posed inevitable collapse promised in the earlier paragraph. So this article is claiming that extra military power from some o’ the world’s strongest countries would make Ukraine mo’ likely to collapse than not “escalating” & letting Ukraine be alone in what this article just claimed was a s’posed inevitable loss. If this is true, Russia should want Ukraine to join NATO to make Russia safer, as apparently Ukraine getting help from NATO makes Ukraine weaker than Ukraine by themselves. Obviously this article writer didn’t mean this & is just an idiot who didn’t think thru what he wrote.

O, sorry, this is the actual “solution” to preventing Ukrainian collapse:

The third option, and clearly the preferable one for Beebe, is that the West changes course and “picks up the phone”, ending its refusal to negotiate.

¡Just pick up the phone! ¡It’s that simple! You’ll notice that this paragraph doesn’t say what the west should do after picking up said phone or what negotiations the west should offer. Putin certainly hasn’t taken seriously the west’s insistence that they aren’t trying to allow force Ukraine to join NATO, so I can’t imagine promising it 1 mo’ time would convince him. Nowhere does this article acknowledge the possibility that there is nothing the west could promise or offer Russia that would deter Russia from their invasion o’ Ukraine — that Russia wants nothing better than the conquer Ukraine. If they did acknowledge such a possibility, their fantasy that the Russian invasion could be solved by e’eryone just sticking dicks in each other’s bums & just be friends would be dashed to pieces.

But, ¡wait! ¿What’s this?

The Ukrainians face a terrible dilemma. Most seem to realize the war is lost. Any attempt at negotiation with the Russians, however, would unleash internal pressures inside Ukraine that could lead to a coup, assassinations or other upheaval. The US won’t want the war to end before President Biden leaves office in January 2025 – and may prolong the agony, loss of life and the ceding of yet more territory to Russia for US domestic reasons rather than the best interests of Ukraine. Where is all this leading?

OK, so now Counterpunch is claiming that attempts to negotiate would, in fact, make Ukraine mo’ likely to collapse. So it sounds like e’ery option somehow makes Ukraine mo’ likely to collapse, like how all 5 moles in those desert caves in EarthBound are the 3rd strongest mole. ¿Does this article writer — there’s just 1 name attributed — have multiple personality disorder? You can’t e’en defend this as the writer being just pessimistic ’bout any good outcome for Ukraine, — which, to be fair, would make sense e’en if Ukraine manages to defeat Russia, given how much damage Ukraine has already taken — since this article clearly took a chiding tone toward the west for “refusing to negotiate”. ¿Why do you think the west should stop refusing to negotiate if you think that would lead to a coup in Ukraine?

Also, baseless conspiracy theory that doesn’t e’en make any sense & just proves that this article writer is just spewing inane bullshit that’s different from what the lamestream media would say to sound special, no matter how dumb it is. ¿Why would Biden not want the war to end before he leaves office? ¿Because successfully resolving a war would make him look too good?

After having read & critiqued way mo’ than I expected from Counterpunch, I would like to take back my earlier snide remark: maybe Counterpunch should just stick to the trite “regardless o’ the election results, it’s still a victory for capitalism” article. Anyway, I hope your drive for $75,000 goes well, I guess — o’ which you boast comes from only 1% o’ your audience. I guess that means us people who don’t donate — after my recent New York trip I’m broke, sorry — are the true 99%.

Grade: F

The Nation

’Pon seeing the front page o’ The Nation I came up with a new drinking game: take a drink e’ery time I see an article ’long the lines o’ “Here’s why you should vote Democrat despite the whole Gazabombing”. Right @ the top I saw 2:

“In New York, Progressive Values Have a Line on the Ballot”

The 1st article was the basic rigamarole, tho ’twas interesting learning ’bout this “fusion ticket” thing, which we don’t have in Washington State, where we don’t really have political parties, technically: candidates optionally list their “preferred” party, but you don’t need to register for any party beyond checking some box during primaries promising you won’t cheat & vote for a different party for the presidential election during the general election. I was mildly annoyed by the self-aggrandizing way the writer bragged, “I was one of the first public figures to demand that the Biden administration call for a ceasefire”, which is a questionable claim, but whate’er. It’s an o’erall competent article compared to the Counterpunch articles, which felt like they were just hastily typed out in an hour.

Grade: B

“Bernie Sanders: ‘Netanyahu Prefers to Have Donald Trump in Office’”

I couldn’t get past the photo o’ Bern Boi looking like someone’s confused grampa without a free registration banner & I don’t feel like registering.

Grade: 👴

“Scared of E. Coli? Donald Trump Should Terrify You.”

There’s no reason to read the article: anything after this amazing headline will just be a disappointment.

Grade: S

Mo’ to come later tonight…

30. N3 The Vast Plain — Gray

I like this treasure’s focus on the theme o’ invisibility: while the Pneumos @ the beginning hinder you by covering your face, making you able to see yourself but not your surroundings, taking potions that the Mad Scienstein throws @ you, which make you unable to see yourself but not your surroundings, is necessary for progress. & yet being unable to see yourself makes the next series o’ jumps mo’ treacherous than normal. All o’ this really instills the duality o’ status conditions in this game.

My qualms are that I feel the 3rd treasure in the game is a bit early for making players do platforming while invisible. Also, having to get to where the gray chest & gray key are, right next to each other but blocked by an seeing-eye doors, while invisible, only to have to fall back down, eliminate one’s invisibility by going thru a pipe, & then climb back up & do the same platforming one did invisible while visible so they can return to the gray chest, — which is only accessible while visible, for unexplained reasons — feels repetitive, specially since the latter part is easier: once you’ve jumped o’er these platforms while invisible, doing the same while able to see perfectly just feels silly. I think this treasure would’ve been stronger if they, A, placed it later in the game, & B, were able to program in some kind o’ challenge where you have to do platforming — maybe the same platforming — but with a Pneumo o’er your head, able to see yourself but not your surroundings, as an extra challenge for the gray chest. Maybe they could’ve had a new area, where you couldn’t take any enemies, & had the Pneumo as the only thing you could pick up & have @ the end blocks you have to throw the Pneumo @ to pass thru.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

No joke this time. It’s finally time we examine what may be 1 o’ the most memetic albums in all nu-metal, The Sickness, the album with the world-conquering “Down with the Sickness”.

I don’t think I mentioned it before, but @ 1 point in my life Disturbed was my favorite band, ’tween when e’en lamer bands like Papa Roach were & when I stopped relying on mainstream radio for music discovery. Now my favorite metal music is real art, like Ghost SiIvaGunner & DJ Cumberbund Pig Destroyer, Cattle Decapitation, Anal Cunt, & Death, which I listen to from my vinyl record player while sipping my glass o’ Sangiovese Grosso Kraken rum in my purple rope. While Ten Thousand Fists was the 1st album I listened to, The Sickness immediately became my favorite o’ theirs ’pon listening to it. As I hinted @ in my review o’ Ten Thousand Fists, that album has lost much o’ its charm for me. ¿Will the same happen for The Sickness?

E’en many Disturbed fans look down on this album as being “simple”, but they’re just fake hipsters ( if they were real hipsters they’d be listening to actually serious music, like Aborted Fetus ). As we will see, some o’ the songs on this album are, indeed, simple, but there’s also a bit o’ variety, especially compared to Ten Thousand Fists, which was hardly math metal, which I’m pretty certain is a real genre, or later albums, which mostly coalesced round the same sound, albeit 1 I moderately enjoy ( Evolution & onward would coalesce round a new sound, & that sound was “sucking like Imagine Dragon My Nuts ’Cross Your Face” ). Songs like “Fear”, “Numb”, & — for better or for worse — “Droppin’ Plates” employ styles & sounds that Disturbed would ne’er try ’gain.

1. Voices

This was always my favorite song off this album, essentially a better version o’ “Down with the Sickness”, with faster, catchier verses that are much funner to sing ’long to like “Liberate” from their following album, — albeit also as repetitive ­— a mo’ melodic chorus with mo’ interesting pitch variations, & a bridge that is o’er the top in a mo’ fun, fast-paced way than “Down with the Sickness”’s infamously cringe bridge, especially since the fact that the singer is s’posed to be insane makes it feel mo’ fitting & lack the pretensions o’ “Down with the Sickness”. Admittedly, the opening “¡SOOOAAAAH!”s aren’t as iconic as the famous “¡OH-WAH-AH-AH-AH!”s, but you can’t have e’erything.

In essence, this song has aged ’bout as well as a Disturbed song could & is still a certified spookyween banger.

Song Grade: S

Music Video

I love the concept o’ this music video: some dorky cubicle worker listening to Disturbed with cheap, shitty headphones — what I imagine to be the average Disturbed fan, tho nowadays we go a step further in being asocial by just working from home — while some bald ghost man who’s his schizophrenic illusion tells him to tie up his boss & coworker who keep fucking with him while he’s trying to work, or… tossing the papers on the floor to the woman who handed him too much work with a smug smile. Honestly, these violent fantasies are tame as fuck. E’en mo’ tame, when the man breaks, he doesn’t e’en do anything mo’ than take off his tie, mess up his hair so he looks like Jesse Pinkman, & go attend a Disturbed concert. Not the most exciting concert, either: it looks like it’s in some guy’s garage they weren’t using @ the time, so, sure, you guys can use it for you music video, I guess.

Music Video Grade: B

2. The Game

In contrast to the goofy vague “¡I’M SO CRAZY!” lyrics o’ the previous song, this song is way mo’, well, disturbing & a much less fun song to sing ’long to, since it’s impossible for me not to interpret this as an anthem from an abuser, specially when it ends with lines like, “THAT LITTLE BITCH SHE WENT AND SHE TOLD A LIE / NEVER FUCKING LIE TO ME”. Obviously I don’t think any members o’ this band wanted to portray such behavior as positive any mo’ than they think having “violence fetishes” is a good thing ( & in fact they have an anti-abuse anthem in the form o’ “Façade” off their 4th album ); but the exploitation o’ violence gainst women as a source for drama & horror — the “dead girl” effect — is a cheap effect that, like the general machoposturing — or “toxic masculinity”, as all the hip zoomzooms call it now — & edgelordism o’ nu-metal, hasn’t aged well — tho, to be fair, Deftones did e’en more o’ the same thing @ the time, with “Digital Bath” from their magnum opus, “White Pony”, exploiting the image o’ a woman being electrocuted to death in a bath tub for cheap horror, & has received li’l flack by critics. ’Course, the main character here presents this as mutual abuse, — mutual abuse that the singer apparently likes — but since the woman in question ne’er gets a word out herself, it’s a mystery to the listener whether or not the singer is being honest or making this up to justify his own violence. Thank you for reading my literary analysis o’ “The Game” from Disturbed in the House We’re Droppin’ Plates’s Pulitzer-winning classic, “The Sickness”.

In terms o’ the actual music, I have to admit the catchy chorus does make it hard not to want to sing ’long, being e’en faster & having e’en mo’ sudden changes in tone, pitch, volume, & speed to really drive home how bonkers the singer is. In contrast, the verses have a weaker, softer, mo’ morose voice to them, especially the bridge, sounding mo’ jarring in contrast & sounding mo’ like an actual killer. This is not the most mindboggling artistic decision, but is certainly mo’ interesting than, say, Five Singer Game Grumps’ nonstop “I’M SO CRAZY & ANGRY I DON’T GIVE A FUCK” growling that only e’er sounds like not just an actor, but a bad actor. David Draiman may not be anywhere close to winning an Emmy, but he’s a’least on the level o’ a theater club member, which is high standing in the world o’ nu-metal. I also like the goofy wub-wub music that plays thru most o’ this song, like this “game” is some ICP-esque game show.

Grade: B

3. Stupify

A song so garbled that hardly anyone knows what the hell Draiman is singing — including the censors for the radio versions, which oft censor the innocent “animal” during Draiman’s opening monologue, but let Draiman’s constant birdlike squawks o’ “¡FYAACK!” run unabated. That’s fine, as when you read the lyrics, they just read like random amping, leading me to believe that Draiman composed these lyrics based more on what words he could sing in an interesting rhythm rather than for their meaning: the 1st verse has him complain line after line ’bout how nobody will give him 1 teeny li’l fuck; — or, sorry, I mean, “¡FYAACK!” — the 2nd verse has him give shoutouts to people from all different walks o’ life, which seems to have nothing to do with the rest o’ the song, but, believe it or not, has mo’ to do with this song’s intended meaning than the rest; the pre-chorus & chorus have the singer seemingly arguing with his fraying mental state, accusing someone o’ “playing around with [their] narrow scope of reality” & babbling nonsense, like asking if “we could put it on credit”; & then, as the cherry on top, during the bridge Draiman chants what turns out to be the Hebrew word “תפחד”, or “tefached”, before pleading with some woman who came out o’ nowhere to not deny him & not be afraid. Apparently this song is an anti-racism song inspired by Draiman’s Orthodox Jewish parents forcing him to break up with a gentile girlfriend when he was a kid. As it turns out, it is us, the listeners, who are truly stupefied. Also, I think they spelled “stupefy” wrong.

While I find the pre-chorus & chorus insatiably catchy & fun to sing ’long to & like the weird chant in the bridge, specially since it has real cultural context & is not just vague Arabian Nights jibberish by some pretending cracker ( looks askance @ Godsmack’s “Voodoo” ), the verses are repetitive, meaningless, & thudding, & the music is pretty boring, with its basic riffs that just sound like walls o’ downtuned guitars & bass — I love downtuned guitars & bass, but not just solid walls o’ it — during the opening & choruses, &, specially, those annoying squeaky guitar riffs during the verses.

Song Grade: B

Music Video

Most o’ this music video is just the band rocking out in a super yellow grungy room with boarded up windows — the kind 2000s music videos loved. ¡But check out these dance moves from Draiman!

This is interspersed by random images o’ some poor, dirty kid in tattered pants sitting on a bed with a long stare & Draiman dressed in a straightjacket in a mental institute — which I guess the kid is in, too. Then the kid looks @ a fish, the fish tank explodes, & then he rises in a T-pose like Jesus, but then is replaced by Draiman in the same pose. What this has to do with racism, I have no idea; but I have long since given up on trying to comprehend this song.

Music Video Grade: C

4. Down with the Sickness

( Unfortunately, I could not find an uncensored version o’ this song on YouTube ).

There’s a reason this song is memed ’bout so hard — arguably memed the most o’ any nu-metal song. E’erything in this song is begging for you to remember it: the opening tribal drums; the animalistic “¡OH-WAH-AH-AH-AH!”; the goofy chorus that sounds like the singer is saying, “COME MONKEY DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS”, but is, tragically, only saying, “COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS”; &, ’course, the infamously hammy bridge where the singer shouts & threatens retribution gainst “mommy” after his pleads for her to stop hitting him go unanswered — a bridge so deranged that most radio stations cut it to keep listeners’ sanity. I have read from multiple sources that “mommy” is apparently a metaphor for mother nature & how, like, the world itself, like, totally abuses you, man, tho Genius’s game theory is that “mommy” is, like, society, man, & it, like, has “fascist tendencies”, & is possibly also Ness from EarthBound. Either explanation is so hilariously pretentious that they ne’er fail to bring a smile to my face.

So it will surprise my readers that my favorite part o’ this song was ne’er any o’ these elements, but the least-considered verses, where Draiman starts by singing a calm chant, only to gradually build into louder & mo’ erratic singing, as if the singer is going from sane to insane within the verses.

’Course, I can’t do a review ’bout the memetic quality o’ “Down with the Sickness” without bringing up the meme possibly just as famous, Dicksturbed”s “Down with the Gheyness”, a true LGBTQIA+ anthem for my fellow rainbow people, which I, unfortunately, can’t embed ’cause YouTube is homophobic & it’s age-restricted & for some reason I can’t tell YouTube that my blog isn’t G-rated.

Song Grade: 👇🤒

Music Video

I’m disappointed in how tepid this monumental song’s music video is: it’s just the band on stage playing while showing clips o’ them standing around or walking toward stage & their fanbase rockin’ out, yo. Literally the most cliché music video.

Also, I didn’t remember this, since it’s been years since I’ve listened to the radio edit version o’ this song where they cut out the “no mommy” part, — or years since I’ve listened to a radio @ all, really — but I just noticed how janky & abrupt the cut is.

Music Video Grade: F

5. Violence Fetish

& then you have a song literally called “Violence Fetish”. There’s not much to say ’bout this song: it plays the same trick “The Game” does with the soft morose voice during the verses as a contrast to the lurid title, tho here it’s a bit too squeaky for my liking. I do like the melody o’ the pre-chorus’s “you’re pushing & fighting yooooour waaaay…”, only to abruptly shift to growling, “¡YOOOOU’RE RIPPING IN HAAAAAALF!”. I also find the opening lines o’ the chorus, “bring the violence / it’s significant” weird in the contrast o’ such a trashy concept & the somewhat highbrow “significant”, especially the weird way Draiman o’erpronounces the word.

The music is a mix for me. I kind o’ like the bass thumps o’ the verses, but am not a fan o’ the screeching squeaks coming from the guitars during the 1st 2 choruses.

Grade: B

6. Fear

Now here’s an underrated song, & the 1st to truly use the electronic elements o’ this album to great use, opening with what was to me an iconic Halloween-type melody that seems to foreshadow the music style o’ Ghost later, only for Draiman to suddenly shout, “FEAR SOMETHING AGAIN” — which I always thought was “HE’S HAUNTING AGAIN” as a kid, but whate’er — followed by an onomatopoeia that I actually think is superior to “¡OW-WAH-AH-AH-AH!”: some distorted, faded, “¡HA! ¡HA! ¡HA!” or “¡AH! ¡AH! ¡AH!”.

The verses, backed by similar spook synths, are when Draiman starts to get into the kind o’ grade-A cheese whiteboy wannabe-gangster rap that nu-metal is famous for. Just listen to these hard-ass lines straight from the streets o’ Chicago:

punk ass, ¿are you listening? ¿can you hear me?
¿or are you deaf & dumb to my language?
¿do the real words seem to hurt you?
well, put ’em up, motherfucker

Tho I think e’en cheesier is when he actually says, “stand back, brother, take your hand back” in the bridge.

The 1 part I don’t like ’bout this song is those damn guitar squeaks during the interlude just after the 2nd chorus. Thankfully they don’t last too long.

Grade: A

7. Numb

An e’en mo’ underrated song that sounds nothing like any other song Disturbed has made: a doom dirge with stretched out guitar noise while Draiman sings in his deepest most morose voice I’ve e’er heard. The verse lyrics are all repetitive, following the pattern o’, “[verbing] in/out/down/now, I’m”, but that fits the numb theme o’ this song, & still manages to make it weird by breaking the sentences in half in each line, ending each like with the beginning o’ the next sentence as if the singer’s numbness is delaying him. It’s not quite as good a depression song as Three Days Grace’s masterpiece, “Drown”, especially since I don’t think the extremely scratchy voice Draiman uses during the choruses really fit all that well, but is a highlight on this album.

Grade: A

8. Want

Unfortunately, after that there is a falloff on this album, starting with “Want”, a song that’s repetitive in a way that doesn’t fit particularly well with this song as “Numb”, both in the verses constantly going, “your mind won’t let you…” & the verses going, “[verbering] now, [verbering] now…”.

This song is very gross, which I guess makes it effective. It’s some guy smarmily telling some woman, “your mind won’t let you see that you want me”, which sounds like a guy who won’t take no for an answer, which is made all the skeevier when talking ’bout this woman “quivering” & “harkening”. This guy sounds like he’s so obsessed with this woman’s mind that he wants to rip out her brain & put it in a jar so he can goon to it. I mean, he literally sings out, “¡SAVOOOR HER MIIIIIIIND, YEAH!” @ the end o’ the bridge. This all very well may be intentional — I must reiterate that this is a band called Disturbed, & believing that heavy metal singers truly want to murder people or be the devil is an amateur mistake. Still, this song goes so far in its goal to be repellent that it generally repels me from listening, which is either a great success or a failing, depending on what you want from art.

Also, lots & lots o’ guitar squeaks.

Grade: 🤮

Music Video

I’m shocked that this song o’ all songs has a music video. It is, like “Down with the Sickness”’s, just concert footage, but with the twist that some o’ the footage is very ol’ footage from I think when they were much younger. Or maybe it’s a fan-made video. All I know is that the singer has hair.

Music Video Grade: D

9. Conflict

& now we have a song e’en mo’ repetitive, constantly reiterating, “[something something] ENEMY” with generic thumping drums in the background. The chorus doesn’t e’en do much to differentiate it from the verses, still reiterating that same pattern, just slightly faster. The bridge tries to add some desperately-needed differentiation, sonically, a’least, with lower, soupier singing & music, but it’s still repetitive “DUH-DUH-DUH” rhythm & none o’ it is anything that wasn’t done better in earlier songs, like “Numb”.

Grade: D

10. Shout 2000

The obligatory 80s cover song. Tho I don’t consider this cover as a song itself near as good as their cover o’ “Land of Confusion”, or as good as half the songs on this album, unlike “Land of Confusion”, I do think this cover is much better than the original, since, honestly, Tears for Fear didn’t do a great job on their original version. They weren’t e’en shouting, for god’s sake. That’s not to say I don’t think this cover could’ve been done better: it’s nowhere the loudest song on this album itself, & all the weird electronic effects & verbal digressions — including a reference to Vanilla Ice, o’ all things — are distracting. None o’ it is funny ’nough to be memeworthy, but it also doesn’t particularly sound great. That said, this song’s all right. It’s inoffensive — not unlike the original Tears for Fear song, which didn’t have amazing lyrics, either. Honestly, I don’t think Disturbed could’ve made this all that great without just making a whole ’nother song, given how meh the original is. “Mad World” would’ve been mo’ fitting, but probably too cliché. Also, given Disturbed’s style o’ doing covers, it probably would’ve been a much worse cover, anyway.

Grade: C

11. Droppin’ Plates

Now here’s a memeworthy song. It is criminal that this song is ignored. ¡Just listen to it! ¡It oozes cheese @ e’ery word! I would have to just transcribe the entire song to list all its goofy lyrics. ’Course, the big 1 is the 1 I keep using to describe them, “Disturbed in the house, we’re droppin’ plates”. As that line indicates, this is Disturbed’s rap-metal song — ’cept sung from the perspective o’ someone whose only experience with rap is the Fresh Prince. Part o’ me thinks this song has to be an intentional joke; but Disturbed apparently were so proud o’ this song that they used part o’ the line “gonna fight the war & use my music as a weapon” to name their special tour.

But I also have to highlight “droppin’ plates on your ass”, which he repeats multiple times, “a little something for your ear hole, ¡GET UP!”, & the chorus, “you know I’m talkin’ ’bout / recogniiitiooooon”, sang/rapped in a weird mix o’ Draiman trying to sound like a rapper & his quiet dirge voice. I also love how this song starts with some

“Dropping plates” is a term where the plate is a vinyl record, basically meaning that Disturbed is making and releasing songs and albums. The whole song, as a matter of fact, is about how their music is the best around. Don’t start picturing David Draiman smashing plates on his kitchen floor anytime soon.

Genius

It’s too late: you can’t stop me.

Grade: S

12. Meaning of Life

& if that wasn’t goofy ’nough, this album ends with a sex song that’s as sexy as a Davey and Goliath fanfic, with Draiman shouting ’bout how he wants to “GET PSYCHO”, wants you to “give in, give in, DECIDE”, & wants “your power glowing, juicy, flowing, red hot meaning of life”, which I guess means the singer has a fetish for fucking a girl while she’s on her period, since I’m pretty sure cum isn’t red — I guess she’s his cherry pie. The last line they were so proud o’ that they repeated it in both verses. Then in the bridge Draiman goes full scatman while singing ’bout “pretentious whores”. That’s not the Scatman’s World I was promised.

The music… fuck, nobody cares ’bout the music. It’s a god damn Disturbed song ’bout being thirsty.

Grade: 😈🍆🍑🩸

Conclusion

So, ¿does this album still hold up? Sorta yes & no. Musically, no: most songs seem to just throw instruments & especially synth effects @ the wall to create loud noise rather than having much memorable. I don’t think anyone’s going to compare any riffs in this album to the likes found on classic Black Sabbath or Slayer, & those god damn guitar squeaks must’ve been chosen just ’cause they’re loud, not ’cause they sound good. Draiman begins to show his singing — & let’s be real, acting — versatility, but develops his singing better on later albums, especially Believe.

Howe’er, this is an album that sticks in your mind better than most “better” metal. It finds that perfect balance o’ luridness greater than most nu-metal, but not to the exaggerated, gory extent that bands like Cannibal Corpse do, which goes so far that it’s too easy to become numb to it, especially when the growling vocals are so o’erdone that you can’t e’en understand what they’re saying, in contrast to Draiman’s singing, which finds the balance where you can sorta hear what he’s saying most o’ the time. The softer theatrics & pop-catchy melodies, if anything, adds to the weirdness, as do the broader, mo’ down to earth lyrics, especially since they’re still weird — not in viscerality, like most metal bands, but in how ill-fitting they are, like they’re inaccurate translations from ancient texts. Essentially, what Disturbed has ’bove most other metal bands is camp: if other metal bands are the George Romero or Wes Cravens o’ metal bands, Disturbed is the Roger Corman: fascinating in how off the map it is & fueled by their shared lack o’ giving a fuck how nonsensical their work is. For better or worse, only a band like Disturbed could make songs as fascinatingly weird as “Stupify”, “Want”, “Meaning of Life”, “Droppin’ Plates”, &, yes, “Down with the Sickness”. ¿Could you imagine anyone else e’en coming up with a bizarre, false slang term like, “down with the sickness”? ¡Nobody e’er said that! ¡Nobody said “droppin’ plates”! Those were not things people said until Disturbed unleashed them on the world like the sins o’ humanity ’pon opening Pandora’s Box. I could probably survive fine without Ten Thousand Fists, & maybe e’en Believe; ¿but The Sickness? We would lose a lot a culture with that loss.

So while I don’t imagine this album getting anywhere near the top o’ Rate Your Music, where silly things like “musicianship” & “complex themes” play the highest importance, on Mezun’s scale o’ memeworthiness, The Sickness earns its legendary status.

Album review: S

40. S3 Tower of Revival – Green

’Nother similar treasure to “Bank of the Wild River” & “The Tidal Coast”’s green treasures. Despite “Bank of the Wild River”’s having the boss, I rank this e’er-so-slightly ’bove that treasure. While Tower of Revival’s wire mesh is just a large rectangle broken off by spikes, like “The Tidal Coast”’s, rather than the snaky design o’ “Bank of the Wild River”’s, its path is more o’ an open maze, stretching in all directions rather than just going rightward, with mo’ meaningful dead ends than just having music coins — tho it does have them, too — & its path is less obvious. Also, there is mo’ enemy variety & challenge, replacing the slow-moving Kushimushi bug enemies & their awkward hitboxes with the faster sparks & Applebies· Granted, I do still prefer the look o’ “Bank of the Wild River”s mo’ natural vines than the o’erbearing grayness o’ this level.

Mo’ importantly, this treasure has an actual relevant challenge to getting the green key, forcing you to deliberately eat 1 o’ the Appleby’s apples that you mostly try to avoid to become fat & break thru the donut blocks to reach it. The more open mesh allows them to hide the key, downward on the left after the initial rise leftward, the last direction players would likely think to go, given the way this level goes upward & is a tower.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…

50. W3 The Pool of Rain – Red

Tho having nothing to do with this level’s general lake theme, this treasure’s gimmick o’ having you cross platforms obscured by leaves is interesting in itself — & unlike “The Grasslands”, where it’s just trial & error, here they gave you a way to judge where solid ground is with all the helpful Spearheads scattered round, walking o’er the hidden platforms & not walking on the areas that are just empty space.

This treasure avoids the problems that its close cousin, the green treasure o’ “The Vast Plain” has, lacking all its padding & focusing purely on platforming to get the key while having the red chest door placed right under the beanstalk, cleverly opened up by the beanstalk not by letting you access the upper area but by having the beanstalk lift the rock that was previously blocking it.

Continue reading @ Level Rankings.com…